Season 2, Episode 6: The Cheating Curve

Carrie is keeping her reconciliation with Big a secret for reasons that, I assume, have to do with her being the worst. And here are some other reasons she’s the worst.

#1: She is out with her friends at Charlotte’s gallery opening. With Charlotte and Miranda already there with dates and Samantha seeing a man she knows, Carrie decides the right thing to do is fake a headache and run over to Big’s place.

#2: Charlotte catches her date for the evening making out with someone else, which leads to a whole conversation about what constitutes cheating. Carrie points out that women cheat too (she would know). Charlotte says she won’t tolerate cheating. Samantha says she’s more forgiving (to a point, as we will later learn in Season 4). Carries says you can’t define cheating in absolute terms (AIDAN, RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVEN’T MET HER YET) and that “someone’s definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat.” What does that even mean???? You are THE WORST.

#3: Miranda catches Carrie walk of shaming home from Big’s. Since this is still a Big secret, she says she’s in that neighborhood for a 7am teeth cleaning. We all know she’s lying because as soon as her friends find out she’s back with Big, they have the following reaction:

#4: The girls are over at Carrie’s for drinks. Carrie has to admit that her diaphragm is stuck and that one of them needs to help her or she will have to make an emergency gyno visit. Samantha does it. On the way to the movies, when they finally think to ask who she’s sleeping with and she admits it’s Big. They are all horrified (as expected) and start barraging her with questions. (None of which are, “Bitch what the fuck is wrong with you?”) Because she doesn’t get the congratulatory squealing she was hoping for, she just storms off.

#5: On a date with Big, she asks if they are officially seeing each other again. The following conversation ensues:.

Big: If you say so.

Carrie: That is an infuriating response.

Big: Well I don’t know what officially means.

Carrie: Officially means officially. (YOU KEEP USING THAT WORD)

Big: Oh.

Carrie: You know, for real.

This conversation is too painful to continue but basically she’s all “why did we break up” and he says, “you tell me” and she’s all “you didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear.”

After all this he says, “I sure did miss you. Officially.” I HAVE QUESTIONS. If he missed her so much why is it that she has to do all the heavy lifting? Is he just lazy? Why is he making me defend Carrie Bradshaw, #theworst?

SIDEBAR: Miranda tolerates her boyfriend’s porn obsession for FAR too long. I’m surprised she didn’t bail after the first time he turned it on while they were doing it. Like, he knows what parts to fast forward to that coincides with…? Never mind, I don’t want to know.