Season 6A, Episode 9: A Woman’s Right to Shoes

This episode is great but also terrible because it makes me side with Carrie in some instances. I’m confused.

ANYWAY.

We have an opening montage of Carrie buying various items off wedding and baby registries. The end point is Carrie heading to a party with Stanford to celebrate the birth of the THIRD child of friends we have never heard of before, Kyra and Chuck.

When they arrive, Kyra’s sister tells them where to put the gifts and their shoes. Okay, first of all…registering for gifts for your third kid? Isn’t that’s tacky? (Their twins are young enough that this would not be anything other than tacky.)

Carrie doesn’t want to take off her shoes. Now we can dive into the reasons she is the worst.

#1 – She insists that her shoes are part of her outfit and she can’t take them off. Margot (Kyra’s sister) is super passive aggressive about how Chuck and Kyra would REALLY appreciate it, so Carrie does it, with an attitude.

The shoes in question:

SIDEBAR: Miranda is at her CO-OP board meeting telling everyone they should make a decision quickly about the potential new tenant for 10B that they are interviewing because her kid has chicken pox OKAY? Enter Robert Leeds, doctor for the Knicks and hot as fuck. Miranda is super horny so all of a sudden she wants to prolong the interview for 97 hours. Everyone sees right through her agenda.

SIDEBAR 2: At Newlywed Central, Charlotte is dealing with a tea bag situation.

SIDEBAR 3: Cut back to CO-OP de Thirsty.

When other members of the board express skepticism about Robert’s financial situation, Miranda basically accuses them of being racist so she can eventually bone this dude.

#2 – Back at the baby celebration, Carrie and Stanford finally find an opening to leave. Also, something to remember for future reference: This party appears to have been catered; and Kyra and Chuck are bragging about a house they bought in Sag Harbor.

When Carrie and Stanford go to get their shoes, Carrie’s are straight up gone, girl. Kyra, who is high as a kite, doesn’t give a fuck, but is “nice” enough to lend Carrie some sneakers to go home in. Kyra suggests maybe her friend Jennifer took them by mistake.

#3 – The next day, Carrie is having dessert with the gals and still complaining about her shoes. And I quote, “I don’t play favorites with my shoes, but, these were very special.” HOW? WHY? Because they were new? Because they reminded her again that she’ll never have to pay Charlotte back the 30 large, the ONLY reason she was able to buy her apartment?

Charlotte asks who would even steal shoes from a party and Carrie says someone size 7 with excellent taste. Okay I need to pause for a second. I usually just wear flip flops but I have SOME heels, though none of them are high quality. When I was in Vegas a couple years ago, I went to the Christian Louboutin store at Caesars Palace thinking I could get ONE HIGH QUALITY pair of heels. It turns out, I couldn’t. My feet are like canoes so the largest size they had was still too narrow for my boats.

Miranda mentions that LEGALLY, Kyra owes Carrie for the shoes. Carrie says she can’t ask Kyra to replace them but that sentiment doesn’t last very long.

SIDEBAR 4: When Carrie asks Charlotte about how it is going now that she and Harry are living together:

https://satcgifs.tumblr.com/post/109551858466

Of COURSE Charlotte and Samantha are not on the same page. Still funny.

SIDEBAR 5: Miranda has chicken pox, diagnosed by Dr. Leeds in the elevator. He’s well aware he’s only living there because of her. He comes to her apartment to administer calamine lotion.

#4 – Carrie shows up at Kyra’s to return the sneakers she was sent home in. She looks cute and calm but that doesn’t exactly last. (Not that she pulls a Charlotte level “do you know how lucky you are to have me” card.)

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When Carrie asks if anyone found her shoes or if Jennifer had, in fact, “accidentally” taken them, this is the response she gets.

Kyra forgot she even LENT Carrie a pair of shoes to go home in, so how is she supposed to remember her shoes were stolen in the first place? Once Kyra realizes she is being a shit and should replace Carrie’s shoes, she invites her in but also makes Carrie take her shoes off AGAIN, even though the last time Carrie did that, a different pair was stolen.

She grabs her checkbook to ask how much the shoes were. Let’s break this conversation down, shall we?

Kyra: So, um. How much were they?

Carrie: 485. (have you paid Charlotte back yet?)

Kyra: Come on, Carrie. That’s insane. (true, but none of your business)

Carrie: Well. That’s what they cost.

Kyra: I’ll give you 200 dollars. (if you can afford to cater a party in NYC and buy a house in Sag Harbor, what’s another $285?)

Carrie: Okay. This is an awkward conversation.

Kyra: I’m sorry, I just think that’s crazy to spend that much on shoes. (it’s also crazy to not care that one of your friends STOLE THEM)

Carrie: You know how much Manolos are. You used to wear Manolos.

Kyra: Sure. Before I had a real life. But Chuck and I have responsibilities now. Kids, houses. 485. Like, wow. (fuck off)

Carrie: I have a real life.

Kyra: No offense Carrie but I really don’t think we should have to pay for your extravagant life style. I mean it was your choice to buy shoes that expensive. (fuck off, again)

Carrie: Yes, but, it wasn’t my choice to take them off.

Kyra: They’re just shoes. (true, I still don’t get why they are so special)

KYRA! Do you have any idea what you’re doing here? Making me defend Carrie Bradshaw?

#5 – We then cut to Carrie telling Miranda, over the phone, that Kyra “shoe shamed” her. Miranda, covered in chicken pox, says Kyra is a fucking bitch. Carrie, by the way, is having this conversation while sitting in her unrealistically sized closet reorganizing her shoes. THEY ARE JUST SHOES. GET A GRIP. Then, when Miranda once again reminds Carrie that Kyra owes her for the shoes, Carrie insists it isn’t about the money, she doesn’t care about the money. Okay, if that were the case, wouldn’t she have just taken the $200 offered to her and MOVED ON? Carrie asks Miranda if she should feel bad because her life is full of shoes and not children. GREAT QUESTION. Yes and no. Yes, you should feel bad that shoes are your priority so you have to bully your friend into lending you at least $30,000 to buy your apartment back from your ex-fiancé, who had to buy it to begin with because you came home from buying tomatoes with a credit card. No, you should not feel bad for not having kids.

SIDEBAR 6: Now Harry is walking around the Park Avenue Pollyanna’s apartment completely naked and sitting on her super fancy furniture.

#6 – Carrie decides to call Kyra and clear the air. She says she feels weird about what happened the other day and they’ve been friends a really long time. Kyra says she had forgotten about that days ago and that Carrie must have a lot of time on her hands if she is still thinking about it. Okay, so Kyra? Still a judgmental bitch. But maybe Carrie should stop bringing it up? Kyra obviously does not give two shits. She yells at one of her kids to keep his pants on because penises stay in the bathroom.

#7 – Kyra puts the phone down to attend to AWOL penises and then her daughter picks the phone up and asks if it is Santa on the other line. Which leads to…

I am conflicted here. On the one hand, no one should ever be shamed for not getting married or having kids. But on the other hand, you shouldn’t expect to receive gifts for not marrying the wrong guy, AKA refusing to wear your engagement ring on your finger or set a date. And how does going on vacation alone mean you deserve new flatware? And Carrie basically says she won’t see any gifts or money from Kyra unless she gets married. Good job treating your friendships like a transaction.

Also, what is Charlotte’s purse?

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SIDEBAR 7: Samantha is eating lunch (talking on her cell) alone while a woman and her child at the next table are being loud as fuck. The waiter comes to yell at her about her cell and Samantha asks what he is going to do about all the noise the child is making. Long story short, she gets pesto thrown at her.

SIDEBAR 8: Dr. Hottie comes to check on Miranda and they end up watching a sex scene on TV that is super awkward.

#8 – Carrie decides to call Kyra and, when she gets the machine, leaves the following message:

Hi. It’s Carrie Bradshaw.

I wanted to let you know that I’m getting married.

To myself.

Oh, and I’m registered at Manolo Blahnik.

So thanks. Bye

SATC Transcripts

And this actually works. She “registered” for one thing, the exact pair of shoes that was stolen from her. Kyra buys them and gets kid shamed in the process (the saleswoman asks her to watch her kids because they shouldn’t be touching the shoes).

ARGGGGGGH. She puts on the shoes and takes her gloating ass for a walk, noting in the voiceover that, “The fact is, sometimes it’s hard to walk in a single woman’s shoes. That’s why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun.”

Now and then? REALLY? If by “now and then” you mean enough times that you have no savings or collateral whatsoever to buy your apartment, then sure, I agree. Now and then? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.