Glee recap: Thanksgiving Sectionals

Happy Thanksgiving, you all! What’s that? Thanksgiving was actually last week when the Glee kids were pretending to be superheroes and running around McKinley in capes? Well, last night Thanksgiving hit Lima and New York, which meant the return of many characters as well as Sectionals (not to be confused with Regionals) for New Directions. Apparently a big extracurricular falls on a holiday weekend. As Rachel explained it: that way they can hopefully sell more tickets. Ok!

The episode kicked off with Quinn, Mercedes, Puck, Finn, Mike and Santana singing in the auditorium, home for the holidays, just like they promised. This – along with their reunion catch up/ HumbleBrag 2012 at Breadstix — was very sweet to see. Although who else was surprised to hear that Rachel still kept in contact with Quinn (who now had new long hair – her senior rebellion seems so long ago!)?

At dinner, Finn recruited them all the be mentors for specific Glee club members for a few days prior to Sectionals, and everyone got matched up with whomever they’re essentially replacing on the show: So Quinn got Kitty, Puck got Jake, and Mercedes got Unique. “I knew it. Mercedes was cloned,” Brittany declared. Kitty happily told Quinn that she idolized her – even going so far as to show her a WWQFD (What Would Quinn Fabray Do) picture in her locker. I’m sorry, but that is completely ridiculous. Things Quinn did in high school, just off the top of my head: Got pregnant, got into a car accident after texting and driving, tried to steal her baby back, was very mean to a lot of different people, put a pink streak in her hair. (That’s the worst of all!) This is not someone to emulate. Although, in Kitty’s case, any role model would be an improvement.

Meanwhile, while most of the graduated seniors were able to come back to Lima, Rachel and Kurt (who had been there just a few weeks ago) were not. The twosome decided to have an orphan Thanksgiving in New York, which was a fun idea. But when it came to the all-important guest list, they both went way wrong. Rachel decided to invite Brody after he and her had a quick catch up during her dance class. He did some classic guy moves, from telling her not to be a “crazy girl,” when she explained she was upset, to doing that thing where he’s really hot while dancing with her. He admitted to sleeping with Cassandra, but told her she can’t be upset with him because she was still figuring things out with Finn. Maybe technically true, but it certainly doesn’t bode well. I’m not as excited about Brody as I was a few weeks ago.

NEXT: Rachel and Kurt have an NYC Thanksgiving with Sarah Jessica Parker

Kurt invited his much-older Vogue boss, Carrie Bradshaw. Parker was SO Bradshaw this episode, wasn’t she? From the outfits to the gabbing on the phone to the tough love girl talk about Blaine, I kept expecting her to whip out a laptop and “Couldn’t help but wonder” all over Kurt and Rachel’s Bushwick apartment. She didn’t do that, but she did invite a whole bunch of her fabulous friends to crash Brody and Rachel’s Sexy Thanksgiving Flirt Party, and then proceeded to lead the whole gang in a version of “Let’s Have A Kiki/Turkey Lurkey Time,” which I would love to say was the most ridiculous moment of the hour, but that honor belongs to Tina singing Psy.

Don’t worry. We’ll get to the gang performing “Gangnam Style” at Sectionals in just a minute. I need to talk about the other groups first. The random third ensemble at Sectionals was once again random, and per usual, The Warblers – not featuring Blaine, but featuring Sebastian as well as new guy Hunter – sang both “Whistle” and “Live While We’re Young,” and were their cute, well-choreographed (and well-dressed!) selves. Their flawless performance left Marley even more nervous, and she confessed to Jake that she was sweating and shaking. Ryder overheard, and told Jake to take the dance solo because everyone needs to be performing at their best. Earlier, Jake let the less-talented Ryder have the solo because he didn’t want to take everything from him, and he’d already “taken” Marley. What a guy!

Kitty planted a seed to Quinn that Marley was so outwardly nervous — and was it just me, or did she honestly look really skinny this episode? — because Jake wanted to have sex with her and that would distract her focus from Sectionals. Quinn, who had some experience with fooling around with a Puckerman, tried to shut that down, but missed the real issue: Marley was taking laxatives, and – in a move that was obvious to anyone who’s seen a Lifetime or ABC Family movie before – was going to pass out during her performance. Spoiler alert: She did.

NEXT: Kurt and Blaine finally talk, and Glee goes “Gangnam Style”

At the same time, Kurt – midway through the most over-the-top Thanksgiving of all time – decided to finally call Blaine, who was currently backstage at sectionals. The two had a very sweet heart-to-heart that I may have teared up at, but only because both Kurt and Blaine started it by tearing up first. Blaine apologized, again. And Kurt said that he really missed him, because “I can’t stand not talking to you. Even though I’m mad at you, you’re still my best friend.” Then Kurt offered an olive branch and said that over winter break, the two of them needed to meet up and have a mature discussion about their relationship. “I love you so much, Kurt,” Blaine said. “I love you too,” Kurt replied. Reconciliation on the horizons? Possibly.

During the time of this phone call, Marley rallied, and in front of an audience that included Sue, Sue’s baby, Emma, and Will “I Wish I Could Quit You, Glee Club” Schuster, the Glee kids performed the viral smash “Gangnam Style.” Now, I was quite proud of the fact that I’d never heard that song all the way through. But last night, I watched in abject horror the full performance as Tina (Because she’s Asian? Is that what it takes for her to get a solo?) sang the Korean song. I feel like this performance was just a tad offensive? And that was before Marley fainted prior to completing their number, because that’s what happens when you don’t eat and make yourself get sick constantly. Watching this unfold, however, I’m a bit excited. In the “scenes from next week” it seems like New Directions could get disqualified: Does that mean it’s possible Marley’s secret will come out and Kitty will get kicked out of the club? Again, no offense to the actress, but I really hope so.

Other lingering thoughts:

-I’m going to say something really controversial here: Mike is a great dancer.

-I’m obsessed with how much Kurt was not having it with Rachel/Brody, especially them getting all handsy with the turkey.

-Quinn is dating a married older guy? Of course she is. WWQFD is not a way to live your life, kids. Santana and Quinn’s catch-up got really violent, really fast, didn’t it? No love lost between those two members of the Unholy Trinity.

-I liked Ryder and Jake’s budding bromance. It’s much more interesting than the two of them just hating each other and fighting over Marley.

NEXT: Musical grades and top lines!

Musical Numbers:

“Come See About Me” (Original by The Supremes): The Unholy Trinity returns. It was nice to see Quinn back in a number, and it was so well-done for something that was just thrown together. B+

“Gangnam Style” (Psy): No. Nope. Nada. Not a chance. Just a few of my reactions when I heard that Glee was doing Gangnam Style. The dancing was certainly well-done, but I just can’t encourage this. Why on Earth was this chosen instead of “Some Nights” from last week? F

“Homeward Bound/Home” (Simon & Garfunkel; Phillip Phillips): Aww, the whole gang (mostly) all back together. As I’ve said, I’m a sucker for an auditorium number — even when the seats are empty. B

“Let’s Have a Kiki/Turkey Lurkey Time” (Scissor Sisters/ Promises, Promises): I have no idea what grade to give this. An A? An F? It was 100% ridiculous, but it also looked like the most fun a lot of them have had in a musical number in quite some time. The choreographed dancing — and Rachel’s ridiculous turkey tail move — was a silly treat, and despite not wanting to, I was smiling throughout so…B+

“Whistle” (Flo Rida): Ok. I realize I’m late to the party here, because I can only vaguely recall hearing this song before (even though I understand that it was popular). Are these lyrics for real? And in what world is this OK to sing at high school choir competition? That said, the harmonies sounded great, and yes, those guys dancing was quite charming. B

“Live While We’re Young” (One Direction): The second of The Warblers’ two songs, and the better one. Obviously a song originally written for a teen boy band was going to play great as an a cappella all-male ode to high school times.One of your best, Sebastian. A-

Top Lines:

“You could be looking at the future President of the United States.” “I don’t know about that.” –Finn and Artie

“Hand jive that looked like a hand jo … ” -Santana, in the line of the episode for me.

“Even though we don’t have our boyfriends, we still have our dreams.” –Rachel

“Gets so turned on by teen moms who barely visit their kid.” –Santana to Quinn about Quinn’s married boyfriend. This line also led Quinn to slap Santana in the face.

“I wore a condom so I didn’t make any apple fritters.” -Ryder. He’s funny too, ladies!

“When you two are done using that turkey as a courtship device, can you put it in the oven?” -Kurt

‘Are you dancing or impersonating a horny epileptic.” –Jake to Ryder

“Don’t let any of those hideous Warblers win. Break a leg.” -Kurt. Awww.

“Les Misérables or The Hobbit?” -Kurt. OMG. Les Mis. The answer to any question is always Les Mis. Has Kurt even SEEN this behind-the-scenes video? 26 Days More.

What did you think of sectionals? Did you see Marley’s meltdown coming? Excited for a possible Klaine reconciliation? How are you feeling about Brody? Happy to see Quinn again? Did you like “Gangnam Style” more than I did? Will the Glee club get disqualified? Find out next week (but leave your predictions in the comments!)

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