The Vampire Diaries recap: 'Fifty Shades of Grayson'

Although your regular recapper, Mandi Bierly, is out sick, there is one thing I’m fairly certain she and I have in common right about now: Chills. Hers probably aren’t nearly as pleasant as mine, but seriously guys. Chills. The final moments of that mid-season finale had me “Oh my”-ing and crying and gasping and chill-ing. Let’s hurry up and talk about this before my body becomes one big goosebump.

The episode started back in Damon’s cell, where he was repeatedly punching the wall. He looked a little dumb at first, until a chunk of the wall came out and we flashed back to the moment when Aaron dropped a wooden bullet trying to load a gun last week. Damon had a plan. He reached through the cell bars, retrieved the bullet, and then slammed said bullet into his cell’s keyhole using the chunk of wall. Sparks flew, but nothing happened. Yeah, I’m not too good at science and stuff, but even I didn’t see that working. However, frustration was key. Damon kicked the door and voila! He was free.

Back at the Salvatore mansion, Katherine woke up in Stefan’s bed with a smirk on her face (and rightfully so). We only saw the beginning of that evening, but if that was any indication, her night was all kinds of hot. She went to cuddle up on the youngest Salvatore when she noticed a grey hair on the sheets. She was aging fast. In a panic, she ordered Stefan not to turn around as she draped herself in a sheet and ran out of the room. Finally! A realistic morning-after on television!

Katherine ran into Damon at the front door. “What the hell happened to you?” she asked the bloody brother. “Ditto,” he said to the baseball cap-wearing hottie. Katherine quickly informed him that she hadn’t seen Elena, and neither had Stefan. *Insert not-so-subtle hint to sex* But Damon wasn’t up for playing games. He told her to cut to the chase, and the chase was “hot naked bodies collided in one unforgettable night of passion,” as she put it. Damon wanted to barf (but did he really?), so Katherine’s work was done. Off she went in her all-black ensemble.

Still strapped down, Elena found herself in a sea of hair. Wes was examining her. Fun fact: Elena is number 83182! And that’s just about all we learned before Wes knocked her out, so let’s get back to the Salvatore house, shall we?

Damon caught Stefan up on how he had spent his last couple days “oh, you know, being held against my will, shot in the head and now I can’t find Elena.” Long story short, “Dr. Creepy Ken Doll” had Elena, and it was time for Stefan to put his hero hair on. The brothers were teaming up to go get leverage… which looked oddly like a Dr. Creepy Ken Doll miniature. Damon found Aaron hanging on campus. He sat down next to him for my favorite pop quiz of the night: “So your girlfriend is taken by a mad scientist. Now do you A) Get a new girlfriend? B) Call the police or C) Kill someone close to that mad scientist?” Aaron, being a decently smart kid, tried to run, but ran right into Mr. Hero Hair. I do love it when those Salvatore brothers team up, don’t you?

So as her ex-boyfriend and her current boyfriend worked to find her, Elena was left helpless and quite groggy on Wes’ table. He was amazed with how much blood she could lose without losing consciousness. Let me help you out, Wes: It’s not evolution, and it’s not luck. Meet Elena Gilbert, Klaus Mikaelson’s favorite human blood bag. The girl needs basically no blood to function. Call it a gift.

Wes continued his ramblings, but switched the subject from blood loss to Elena’s “heroic vampire friends,” including her horrible boyfriend. He went on about poor Aaron, believing his family was haunted by some death curse his whole life only to find out it was a beautiful blue-eyed vampire that had killed his entire family tree. He asked how a person can justify that. Elena tried to come back by asking him how he could justify what he was doing to her, but he quickly responded, “Science.” The man is confident (and attractive), you have to give him that. He then picked up what I like to call The Scientific Diaries and informed Elena that he was reading out of her father’s journal. Everything he was doing to Elena, he had learned from Grayson Gilbert.

NEXT: Katherine’s answer to anti-aging is … Matt?

Back at Whitmore, Aaron had no idea where Elena was, but that was fine, because the brothers had some bantering to do. Damon told Aaron to watch his tone around Stefan, who was “kind of in the midst of a psychotic break.” Damon let it slip that he knew about Katherine. Stefan told Damon he was jealous, but Damon preferred the word “disturbed.” Aaron chimed only after he (finally) remembered that he had shot Damon — okay, so Aaron’s not as brilliant as his caretaker. Damon quickly smacked him on the back of the head and gave the poor guy a tip: “Go for the heart next time.”

Minutes later, Elena finally figured out where she was. She was in the basement of her dad’s clinic! That’s why she recognized it. Mental flashback to season 1 when John Gilbert set fire to a handful of tomb vampires (and almost Damon) in that very room. Since then, it had become nothing more than a condemned building in Mystic Falls. Just then, Wes’ phone rang. Aaron caught him up on the situation. And despite Wes’ belief that Damon was in an “impenetrable and inescapable fortified cell,” Aaron assured him he was “in front of me imagining what my kidney would taste like.” Wes agreed to meet them in his classroom. Cue Enzo’s first yummy appearance! Wes injected the accented hunk with an “insurance policy” to guarantee he would return. Then he gave him a blood bag and told him to go play catch up with Damon. This should be fun.

In the woods, Katherine was working on her handstand — Nina Dobrev yoga shoutout! — with Matt, whom she was paying to make her hot again. She wanted to get in shape and prolong “this death thing as long as possible.” Matt doubted it would work, but Katherine couldn’t hear what he said. She was going deaf. Her entire body was falling apart. And it turned out, she wasn’t even being dramatic. Her vision was so blurry that she couldn’t see when Nadia joined them. That being said, she could definitely tell when Nadia slapped her across the face for writing that suicide note without saying goodbye.

On the walk to Wes’ classroom, Stefan got the background of Damon being a test subject in the ’50s. He had donated his body to science “except I was alive and it was against my will.” Stefan wanted to know how he’d never heard about it, but Damon stopped him before he could become all “guilt-ridden” Stefan. They were on the outs back then, which they aren’t now considering that when Aaron tried to make Damon tell the whole story, Stefan cut him off with “I don’t recall saying that you could talk.” Damon’s smirk? Yep, I love when these brothers work together!

With the boys away, Katherine went to the Salvatore kitchen — by the way, have we ever seen their kitchen? — to make a raw kale health shake. Nadia made some remark about how she could see why Katherine would want to kill herself if she were staying here. All I could think was “Girl, you haven’t been in the bedrooms.” Katherine assured her snarky daughter that suicide was nothing but a moment of weakness. Then she asked her a question, “absentee mother to mildly abusive daughter.” Could Katherine be forgiven? Nadia thought so. Also, Nadia had a plan to keep Katherine alive. Now we’re talking, Nadia. Make yourself useful.

Also dealing with some parental issues, Elena was having flashbacks to when she was a child and her soccer ball went down into her father’s basement. She could hear what sounded like somebody being electrocuted — a method her father wrote about using — before she ran back upstairs. Back in the present day, Elena asked Wes how he met her father. Wes talked about her dad working to turn vampire blood into a magical cure all. Wait, isn’t it already? Elena asked about Enzo, when Wes informed him that he was off seeing her boy toy.

Oh hey Enzo, looking all cute and sexy in the back of Wes’ classroom! Enzo told Damon it had been a while … too long considering I thought it had been too long since the last time I saw Enzo 10 minutes ago. But that’s not important. What is important is that his real name is Lorenzo. Of course it is, because he couldn’t get any cuter. He tried to introduce himself to Stefan with a handshake, but Stefan picked up on his brother’s vibes and denied him. Now, it was finally time for the story Enzo had been waiting 70 years to tell. He hopped up on Wes’ desk and all I could think was, “Why didn’t I have a professor who looked like that in college?”

NEXT: Megan’s murder is (finally) solved

Elena, still full of questions, finally put two and two together. Enzo was the Augustine vampire that killed Megan. Apparently Megan’s parents helped fund Grayson’s project. They didn’t know about Augustine, but they knew he had an “unregulated compound that could cure most injuries.” But as Megan got older, she grew suspicious and one day found herself a little too close to a very hungry Enzo, and that was lights out for her. Speaking of lights about ready to go out, Elena was ready for the next phase of testing. Hurry up, boys!

Stefan stepped out of the classroom to call and threaten Wes, but he threatened Stefan right back. That Wes guy has some serious balls. Inside the classroom, Enzo really wanted to tell his story. When they interrupted his tale to talk about Elena, he ripped a desk out of the ground and threw it… so they listened. Stefan learned all about his brother’s betrayal and yet when Enzo looked for a reaction from him, he stood by his brother: “You didn’t die, obviously.” Nope, Enzo was saved by a scientist and put right back on the table.

As soon as Enzo left the room, Stefan started asking questions, but Damon cared less about Enzo and more about killing Aaron. And after Damon threatened to gauge Aaron’s “sad little eyes” out of his “sad little head,”Aaron used files of his family’s history as leverage, which was a very “timely revelation” on his part. Wes clearly didn’t care about Aaron, so he was going to save himself. Stefan and Aaron headed out after Enzo, who had returned with booze in hand, requested Damon stay with him.

Back in Mystic Falls, Nadia’s big idea to save Katherine was spirit possession. Technically, because Katherine’s father was a traveler, it meant she was too. She just needed to learn the spell. Katherine wasn’t exactly a fan of traveler magic, as her father had banned it from them when they were young. And once she became a vamp, well, that was that. Nadia informed her that because being a traveler was in her blood, she could live inside someone else’s body. “Stefan actually likes this body,” Katherine said. Then, Nadia realized that Katherine’s previous question about forgiveness was actually about Stefan and not some great mother-daughter moment. For Katherine, knowing Stefan still cared would make dying a little less lonely. Sadly, that didn’t help her relationship with Nadia, who told her to go kill herself and “see if anyone misses you.” Ouch.

Meanwhile, Enzo and Damon discussed cricket, drawing, and the poison Wes had injected Enzo with. It was stopping his heart, and he would dessicate without the antidote. Damon tried to convince his ex-friend that they could kill Wes together, but Enzo was more interested in whether Damon thought about him after he left. Just as Damon thought he’d convinced Enzo to go back as a team, Enzo informed him that he wanted the antidote, which meant he had to kill Damon. First step: He threw Damon through a window. The fight didn’t last long. Damon was stronger, and Enzo dessicated before he could do any real damage.

The good news was that Stefan was having more luck with Aaron. Well, not at first. Aaron tried to shoot him, and not surprisingly failed. Stefan then choked him until Aaron started talking about how Damon killed his family. You could tell Stefan was genuinely disappointed in his brother. After Aaron begged Stefan to kill him so that Damon couldn’t have the satisfaction, Stefan said, “You know, not all of us are like my brother.” But before he left, Aaron handed over his Augustine files.

In flashback number two, young Elena could hear screaming in her father’s basement. Grayson grabbed her before she could reach the door. He told her that “daddy” was going to save a little girl’s life. “Pretty cool, huh?” More like creepy. When Elena woke up, Wes was ready to inject her with the thing that would make her salivate at the smell of vamp blood. Just as he stabbed her, Stefan showed up. Elena head-butted Wes, and Stefan helped her out of there, but not before she grabbed her father’s journal on the way. Two things: First, that was a great moment between them. I love hero Stefan. Two, why didn’t they destroy the rest of that serum? Guys, it was in a glass jar. It was practically asking for it.

NEXT: The veins in Damon’s neck mean business!

In the Mystic Grill’s first appearance of the night, Nadia asked Matt to hold onto the magic passenger knife. She was going to leave town, but if Katherine changed her mind about the spirit possession thing, she wanted her to have the option. Matt and Nadia then bonded over bad, selfish mothers. If anyone understood that crappy parent thing, it was Matt (Sorry, Kelly). He agreed to keep the knife.

When Enzo woke up, he realized he wasn’t back at Augustine. Damon had taken him to Wes’ lab and injected him with a bunch of things that were labeled “antedote.” Probably a good call, D. One of them had worked. However, this did not mean they were friends, Enzo informed him. Damon shoved his hand inside Enzo’s chest — not a great way to get your friend back — and told him that he didn’t feel guilty after he left him because he had to shut off his humanity in order to do what he did. So no, there was no remorse, no regret, no pain. Enzo’s response made me cringe: “Even if I forgave you, Damon, would that make you less of a horrible person?” Damon said they were even, but Enzo hadn’t finished speaking his mind just yet. He told Damon that he had been the most important person in his life and that he had ruined him. “That’s just who you are, who you’ll always be… a monster.” And you know that made him think of Elena.

So let’s get to the Damon-Elena talk. In reading her father’s journal, Elena figured out that the little girl her father had saved was Megan, who had a heart defect when she was young. Damon was amazed at his girlfriend’s ability to find the one happy passage in 100 pages of torture. Ha! She told him that she couldn’t not defend her dad, even if he tortured vampires to save people. “I know you can, because you do it for me all the time,” he said. Correction: Elena was not defending Damon for his decision to kill Aaron’s family. “So why are you still here? I’m bad, Elena. I am bad for you,” he said. Why hadn’t she run away? Because she loves him, and she chose him. She’s standing by her choice. Well, he chose something too. He chose to let her go. He chose not to have to think about how she must feel every time a ghost from his past comes into their life. He chose to relieve her of having to defend him for every awful thing he’d ever done.

She told him she’d done horrible things too, but as soon as she brought up the fact that she couldn’t judge him after he was tortured for five years, Damon had had enough. He screamed at her so she would hear it. “Stop defending me! I won’t change who I am. I can’t. But I refuse to change you.” This is where I sit motionless for way too long a period of time. So many chills and emotions and damn, Ian Somerhalder was great in that scene.

But we’re not done with the chills (or the tears) yet. Upstairs, Katherine was looking in Stefan’s mirror at her wrinkles. Her “chickens had come home to roost in the form of wrinkles.” Oh, Stefan, you’re so precious. Katherine brought up their night together, and Stefan quickly shot down her hopes. They got swept up, he said. He wasn’t ready to forget everything she’d put him through for the last 147 years. But she was dying! For real this time. She showed him her grey hair and was all, “What does someone have to go through to get a little redemption around here?” Her charm didn’t budge him. “147 years is a long time to forgive in one night.” She came back: “One night, an eternity… You’d never look at me the way you look at Elena, would you?” He didn’t respond.

Katherine went to walk away, and Stefan stopped her. He interlaced his fingers with hers. “I’m sorry that you’re dying.” “Trust me, I am, too.” And then she left.

At Whitmore, Aaron found Wes, threw him around and told him he never wanted to see him again. “Get the hell out of my life,” mini-Ken Doll said. Also, did Aaron take that needle with him when he left?

Finally, Elena burned her father’s journal — is that good or bad for Damon? — just before the camera cut to Katherine. She was on the phone with Nadia. She agreed to the spirit possession. “I’m a survivor. Staying alive is my specialty,” she told her daughter just before she dropped her bag. She grabbed her left arm. No! She grabbed her heart. No! She fell down the stairs. No No No! Could that be the last of Katherine Pierce? Although I will say leaving this world after a sweet moment with the man you love wouldn’t be the worst, I’m not ready to lose my Katherine yet.

What did you think of the mid-season finale? Based on the promos, Katherine survived the fall, so the question is: Will Katherine ever actually die? Will Elena fight to get Damon back or come to terms with what he said? And what is next for Enzo? My vote? Shirtlessness!

Discuss!