The Vampire Diaries recap: Disturbing Behavior

Oh, Nina Dobrev, we hope you enjoyed the normal workload (and trips to that lake house the cast rented together for the summer), because with Katherine teaming up with Damon at the end of this episode, we know we’re about to see a lot more of you. And we’re not complaining. Imagine how juicy this will be with Katherine (still hopefully) scheming as we learn more about the Originals and why Klaus is afraid of the mysterious vampire hunter Michael (future recurring guest star Sebastian Roche). How many loose cannons can we have firing at once?

Let’s dig in: I love that the show made time for something practical like Rebekah needing to shop for clothes since she hadn’t changed since the ’20s. As Klaus and Stefan sipped champagne, Rebekah lamented how little clothing women wear today. I can’t wait to hear what Rebekah says when she watches The Secret Circle and sees those necklines. I’d make her watch Burn Notice, too, for Fiona’s wardrobe, but also because I think she’d get a kick out of her always wanting to blow stuff up. Before I spend any more time programming the DVR of a fictional character — see: me getting Justified‘s Timothy Olyphant to admit Raylan Givens would probably enjoy Magnum, P.I. repeats — let’s move on.

Katherine showed up outside the clothing store, and Stefan was able to sneak out to meet her because everyone knows male vampires hate shopping. She guessed Klaus was looking for the necklace Stefan gave Elena and wanted to know Stefan’s plan, so she could tell him it wouldn’t work. Stefan wasn’t about to trust her, so he walked away. She warned him Rebekah was dangerous. Foreshadowing! When Stefan reunited with Klaus and Rebekah, Gloria was using magic to try to locate the necklace. Elena was wearing it, of course, as she and Damon laughed at her family’s sucky chili recipe. They were making it for the potluck party at the Lockwoods. She insisted she was over Stefan, but Damon knew she wasn’t if she was still wearing that necklace that symbolized their unbreakable bond. Damon left, and Caroline arrived with Bonnie, who complained again about having to spend her summer with her dad’s boring family. The necklace burned Elena’s neck, and she took it off. When Bonnie touched it, it sparked. Gloria told Klaus she found it. It was with a girl and her friends. But that’s all she could see. She needed more time. Stefan was happy to help her stall. He convinced Klaus and Rebekah to go feed. “I’ll let you pick who we eat,” he tempted Klaus.

At the Lockwoods, Caroline worried that Elena was “switching Salvatores,” and Bonnie did a spell trying to reveal the magic done on the necklace. It began to float. It had its own magic. That magic apparently included being invisible to everyone but them, because even though Elena and Caroline were supposed to be lookouts, they had to have still been visible to someone outdoors. Anyway, Rebekah finished her meal too quickly. “My girl’s dead, I’m bored,” she said, leaving me to wonder if it would have been too much or awesome if she’d stolen vampire Willow’s “bored now” from Buffy. Stefan and Klaus are gentlemen who know how to take their time with a lady, so they were still feeding and looking kinda hot. Stefan played both siblings beautifully, making jokes at both their expense, then excused himself. Klaus knowing about Stefan’s wall of victim names gave him the alibi he needed to sneak back to Gloria.

NEXT: Stefan is shirtless.

Gloria told Stefan what we suspected: She’d heard those girls with the necklace talking about Stefan. He asked her why she didn’t tell Klaus. Because she doesn’t really want to help Klaus, she said. That necklace is a talisman from the Original Witch herself. Gloria wanted it for herself. She threatened to tell Klaus that Stefan was lying to him, and Stefan charged her. She gave him a bad headache, and he collapsed. She’d get its location out of him the hard way. Next we saw Stefan, he was laid out on a table under a paralysis spell, arms spread like Jesus. For awhile, I didn’t understand why Paul Wesley had to be shirtless. Again, not complaining, but the sleeves of his button down were rolled up enough that she could’ve slit the length of his inner forearms to spill his “essence” with his shirt on. (I hope Bonnie doesn’t start talking about someone’s “essence.”) But then, Gloria couldn’t make a connection with his spirit through blood alone. She had to weaken his mental walls with an herbal chest rub that included vervain. Again, his shirt was unbuttoned enough that she could have gotten in there, but why ruin a good shirt, I guess? Stefan didn’t reveal anything. He just groaned. Eventually, Gloria saw his history with Elena — that he loved her, that he’d do anything for her, that she was the doppelgänger who survived the sacrifice ritual and was keeping Klaus from making his hybrid army. If Gloria doesn’t want to help Klaus, and certainly wouldn’t want him to make more hybrids that destroy the balance of nature, wouldn’t she have wanted to work with Stefan to keep Elena alive? Or, was the information simply too dangerous for her to know — Klaus could get it out of her and/or she could trade him that info for the necklace. Gloria laughed, so I’m thinking the latter. It doesn’t matter, really, because Katherine appeared out of nowhere and killed her.

Katherine tried to tell Stefan he can’t take on Klaus alone, but Stefan was determined to remain a solo act. She recommended he bond with Klaus, which would make Rebekah want him more. Her desire to rekindle her romance with Stefan would make her vulnerable. All Stefan wanted to do, he said, was keep them away from Mystic Falls and figure out who Klaus, an Original vampire who can’t be killed, was running from in the ’20s. Why was he still afraid of this vampire hunter? Katherine said she wanted in if he was plotting against Klaus, and Stefan threw Gloria’s dead body over his shoulder — hot! — and told her it was good to want things. Ha. I’d like to think Stefan is a Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael fan, too. Regardless, Bad Stefan still has a much better sense of humor than Good Stefan.

Stefan was poking around the family coffins — please let him have been trying to open Elijah’s, I miss him! — and Rebekah approached him for a chat as we found out that walking in stilettos is like riding a bike. She explained why she never tried to revive her family: Klaus would hunt her down and kill her. It was too exhausting to hate him or run, so she was making nice with him again. Stefan asked who they were running from in the ’20s, and she said she couldn’t tell him because Klaus wouldn’t like them talking about it. Forget it, Stefan said, trying to sound nonchalant, but man, Stefan, that was way too early to bring it up. She told Stefan that Klaus had told her about Elena and that Stefan was only his wingman because Klaus had saved his brother. She thought Klaus secretly admired that Stefan would sacrifice anything for family. It was a nice moment, sure, but it still felt too soon when she grabbed him and kissed him. She asked if he thought he could ever love another woman like he’d loved Elena. He said one day maybe. She didn’t believe him. To quote the song, it’s in his kiss. (Got that stuck in your head? You’re welcome!)

Klaus arrived at that moment, and Rebekah told him something was wrong: Her impeccable instincts tell her Stefan’s not really with them. He was asking about Michael. You thought maybe Klaus was going to kill Stefan, but he didn’t (of course). If Rebekah was right, and he was holding onto something from his past and hiding it from them, Klaus needed him alive. Stefan awoke in the roving coffin truck, and Klaus opened the door — they’re back in Mystic Falls.

Of course, what’s fun is that they arrived in town just as Damon agreed to become Katherine’s wingman and hit the road with her. Damon had felt like everyone was trying to tame him. Alaric had asked him twice to take a beat with Elena, and no one would let him kill Caroline’s father, no matter how big of a douche the guy was. Sheriff Forbes had detained Bill in his own torture cell and let Damon taste him to make sure there was no vervain in his system before he compelled him to leave town and think he’d just come to take Caroline back-to-school shopping. Damon asked Bill how he thought he could fix Caroline, and he said the mind could be retrained if you were strong enough. Again, foreshadowing!

NEXT: Tyler is shirtless.

Bill showed up at the end of the Council meeting at the Lockwood potluck. Damon told Alaric and Elena they had a problem — gay dad Bill had threatened to out him (“Don’t get me started on the irony of that”), and he wanted to control the Council and put vervain in the town’s water supply. Elena was for the latter, actually, because it would keep Damon in check while Stefan was away. Damon didn’t like that. He said he should have killed Bill when he had the chance, and Elena told him he couldn’t because he’s Caroline’s dad. “Yeah, and when I kill him, she’ll have one more parent than we do,” he told her. He started to move back to the house, and Alaric tried to stop him. Go, Alaric! He’s better at this guardian thing than he/we thought. “Your temporary funeral,” Damon said, before breaking his neck. At least Damon made sure Alaric was wearing his ring.

I should be angry at Damon for even temporarily killing Alaric, but mostly, I’m just mad that Elena then had to call Caroline, while Caroline was straddling shirtless Tyler on his bed, to have her come help move Alaric’s body. The moment Caroline commented on Tyler’s post-practice stinky muscle shirt, I knew it was going to come off. I hate you, friend emergencies! Though granted, dead body was pretty legit. While the girls dealt with Alaric, Damon had time to take care of Bill. Bill told Damon he’d been honing his skill to avoid mind compulsion for a decade, and added that Damon’s technique was a little lazy. Bill said he would never out his daughter to the morons on the Council, and he trusted that Damon wasn’t stupid enough to kill the ex-husband of the sheriff. Damon was tired of being underestimated. He bit Bill.

Actually, Damon didn’t want to kill Bill as much as he wanted to make him the walking blood bag his daughter had once been for him. Caroline came back just in time to toss Damon off her dad. That fight between the two of them is definitely in my Top 5 favorite scenes of the season. She tried to feed her father her blood, and when he resisted, she said “Grow up,” and forced him to drink. Damon wasn’t through with him, and Caroline told Damon to leave. Or what? She bitch-slapped him across the room. Boom! He forced her on top of the desk and started to strangle her. “I’m stronger than you, little girl,” he said. “Well, I’m angrier,” she answered, breaking his wrist(s), headbutting him, tossing him off her, and grabbing her father and fleeing in vamp speed. She saw her dad on the street the next day as he was preparing to leave town before someone killed him. He thanked her for rescuing him, and for a moment, you thought it was a happy ending. “Daddy, I’m gonna be okay,” she said. “You’re a vampire, sweetheart. I don’t think you’ll ever be okay again.” Screw you, Bill. She didn’t drink from you when you were bleeding. Clearly she CAN control herself. Give the girl some credit.

NEXT: Jeremy and Anna have a spark.

Elena couldn’t believe what she saw Damon do to Bill. Why was it suddenly so important to her to keep him in check when he’s always been the bad boy? She said she doesn’t want him to be the monster everyone thinks he is. But that’s who he is, Damon said. She has to stop trying to turn him into Stefan. At this point, Alaric was the only friend Damon had left, and that’s only because he was still unconscious. Damon made them a pitcher of cocktails and woke Alaric up. Damon thought Alaric would understand: Everyone was trying to control him, Alaric had pissed him off, and he snapped. No big deal. But Alaric wasn’t in a forgiving mood and stormed off to see the mayor and sheriff. Now that he’s acting as the head of the Gilbert family — a founding family — he wants its seat on the Council so he can protect the town. A minute ago, he didn’t even want to look out for Elena and Jeremy, now he wants to protect the townsfolk? I want to be proud, but I’m also a little nervous. I don’t want him to go all John Gilbert on Elena and insist she not see the Salvatores.

Katherine showed up at Damon’s door after straightening her hair and posing as Elena to meet up with Bonnie and get the necklace back from her. (How did Katherine arrange that meeting? Why would Bonnie give Elena back a necklace that was clearly dangerous?) Damon thought Katherine was Elena and told her he was accepting written apologies only. Katherine laughed and asked, “Are you two lovebirds fighting already?” She told him she was just looking for a partner in crime, so if he felt like getting the hell out of dodge, this was his chance. Self-destructive, bad-idea-loving Damon said yes. Katherine showed him that she had Elena’s necklace but wouldn’t tell him where they were headed. She just promised that it would be good. Katherine has been known to lie, but about that, we believe her. Where, or to whom, is she taking the necklace?

Something else that is good is that Jeremy-Bonnie-Ghost Anna love triangle. Jeremy rolled over in bed — wearing a shirt, boo! — and Anna was there. He saw her and heard her. She’d been screaming his name for days, trying to get him to hear her. What changed? He’d been dreaming about her just then, he said. Cue some adorable looks. Did I forget what chemistry these two had, or is it new? Bonnie arrived at the house around this time and jumped into Jeremy’s arms downstairs. He saw Anna’s image in the mirror. They still needed to talk. At the Lockwood potluck, I realized Anna looks much sexier dead than she ever did alive. Good for her. She said she can’t see Vicki, but she feels a darkness whenever she hears Jeremy say he’s seeing her. When she tells him not to let Vicki in, something crazy happens, as though Vicki is trying to push Anna out. We learned that ghosts can’t get through to Jeremy unless he’s open to it. They push, he needs to pull. She’s all by herself on “the other side,” and she’s lonely. They touched, and I guess the second time, he may have felt it? The way he looked at her was dreamy.

When Bonnie was trying to do research on the necklace in the grimoires, Jeremy asked why she wasn’t just going to the dead witches for help. Turns out, they cut her off after she brought Jeremy back to life. She messed with nature. Anna appeared and told him she felt the darkness, and suddenly, some of the grimoires went up in flames. (Was Vicki pissed that Bonnie can’t use the witches to bring her back? Too simple?) Later, while Bonnie was cleaning up the mess, Jeremy saw Anna again. He told her she couldn’t keep popping up every time he was with Bonnie, and she reminded him that she only gets to come through when he’s thinking about her. That’s why he hasn’t told Bonnie about seeing ghosts, she said. He doesn’t want Bonnie to know he still has feelings for her. “Goodbye, Anna,” he said. And then, he marched out and told Bonnie the truth as Anna cried and yelled that she was all alone. We could hear her, Jeremy couldn’t. How sad was that?!

What’s your theory here? If Vicki wants to be brought back (as we’ve been led to believe, but who knows), what does Anna want? Is she really protecting Jeremy from Vicki because Vicki is dark and bad, or is she just doing it so someone sees her and only her? Will she get desperate now and play Vicki’s game for getting attention? Is the reason Katherine stuck around long enough with Bonnie to hear that Jeremy is seeing ghosts so Bonnie will figure out Katherine has the necklace when Elena doesn’t remember that conversation? Or will Katherine be able to use that information somehow?

Other questions: Was Damon’s comment about Alaric getting his ring checked because it took him longer than usual to come back from death foreshadowing or just funny? What will be the fallout of Caroline getting Elena to admit, in a roundabout way, that she’s attracted to Damon? It only means you’re human, Elena. Trust us.

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