- Wilhelmina offers Betty a job at Mode as her assistant.
- Previously on "Ugly Betty": When asked to choose between Henry and Gio, we find out Betty decided to throw in her lot with...herself. Good for you, girl! But she returns from a cross-country trip to find that her father Ignacio has taken a job working with her evil high school nemesis Kimmie. Mode, meanwhile, has descended into boring black-and-white decor from Hell -- and Daniel's office has turned into a nursery that looks like a Dalmatian. Someone call "Top Design"! Daniel, meanwhile, has been demoted to editor-in-chief of third-rate men's magazine Player, but at least he's decided to acknowledge his son. Alexis is ambushed about Hot Flash on "Regis & Kelly" and decides to pull its funding, and Betty moves into her own apartment, flanked by a view of a elderly nudist couple -- and a cute boy neighbor named Jesse.
The episode opens with a photo shoot for Player Magazine on the steps of a courthouse, with an attractive woman in judges robes...that she flings open to reveal a bra and panty set. Betty looks on in dismay, then confronts Daniel, who is sitting in a director's chair nearby. She tells Daniel that when she suggested that Player Magazine should show women in a more professional light, this isn't exactly what she had in mind. Daniel counters that this is her concept he's bringing to life: "America's Hottest Lawyers"! Actually, she pitched a shoot featuring "America's Top Female Attorneys." It's the whole tom-ay-to vs. hot sexy to-mah-to thing again. Does every shot have to be women in skimpy bras? Betty asks. Daniel gets his "flash of frat-boy" genius expression on his face.
"Let's lose those bras, please!" he shouts to the photographer. Betty protests that was not what she meant as a blizzard of hot pink bras rain down on her head. That's when she notices Daniel is poring over a binder in his lap -- it's the mock-up of Wilhemina's first issue as Editor-in-Chief of Mode. He says he just wants to keep up with whatever she's up to. Betty accuses Daniel of obsessing, saying he knows what she's up to: Firing, scheming, searching for a puppy to kick. Daniel professes to be glad to be away from all that, and to prove it, he hands the binder to Betty, who clutches to her chest...and has a thought.
Next scene, she's showing Daniel's copy to Alexis, who reacts by saying she forgot he still gets those, and says she'll have him taken off the list. Good going, Betty! But our girl is persistent, pointing out that Daniel has a lot of notes in there, and they're actually quite good. She says they prove that Daniel misses Mode -- he belongs there! Alexis gives Betty the brush-off, saying she appreciates Betty's loyalty to Daniel, but reminds Betty that Daniel no longer works there. Betty thanks Alexis for her time, and leaves the binder. As one would expect, Alexis waits until Betty leaves to closely examine her kid brother's critiques.
Hilda and Coach Tony are out on a date, eating hot dogs while strolling along the East River as Hilda jokes about the beautiful view of Rikers Island. Coach tells Hilda that she deserves a real date, and offers to do something special. See, his wife's going out of town and...a shadow falls over Hilda's face. Coach asks what's wrong, and Hilda says she forgets he's married. She presses him to back up his previous promises about the two of them having a future. Be honest, she says. Was it real?
Coach replies, "I promise. You're not the other woman. You're the only woman." Oh dear. This is not going to end well.
Alexis relays Daniel's critiques to Wilhelmina without saying who's giving them, including knocking the cover shot of Angelina Jolie in a block of ice. Problem is you can't tell it's her. Willie gets her back up, then catches on to Alexis after she glimpses the notes.
"The rounded Os of a stunted adolescent," Willie sniffs. "The stiff Ts of someone who is clearly overcompensating..." These are Daniel's notes! "J'accuse," Marc pipes in. Alexis cops to it, but insists that they're valid suggestions. Wilhelmina brushes her off, saying that Daniel still has it out for her. Alexis warns her that Mode has to remain accessible to the woman on the street and Willie counters that the average woman's taste is so horrid that it's the true fashionista's job to throw rocks at it. "Our readers like what I tell them to like," she hisses. "Look, we agreed that Mode needed a kick in the ass. I'm giving it a kick in the ass!"
Alexis walks way from Mode's hautest haute couture queen, who turns to her first flunky and tells him they have a problem. Daniel? Marc suggests, and Willie scoffs at him. Daniel Meade, she says, is "an over-ripe cantaloupe tumbling towards irrelevance." No, the problem is Betty. She's trying to get Daniel back in there! Something must be done! Willie is channeling Genghis Khan in fancy Ugg boots, and she's storming into Betty's land of optimism!
Sending Marc as her herald, Wilhelmina invites Betty to lunch at a swanky restaurant. Wilhelmina opens the negotiation/lunch date by cooing to Betty about being two women of color out on the town -- isn't it fun? Girlfriend? She eyes Betty's granny floral blouse and calls it heaven. "I love it!" she says.
"No you don't," Betty snaps. Willie drops her two-cent mask and confesses yes, it's true -- she doesn't. "It's hideous," she says. "Like driving through Ohio." She cuts to the chase: Mode needs Betty, Willie says. Marc can't make heads or tails of Betty's bookkeeping. Betty says she'll ask Daniel for some extra time to help out, and Willie urges her to recognize a career opportunity when it's being dangled in front of her. She asks Betty to return to Mode and work for her. Crafty, Wills -- divide and conquer!
Sweet Betty tells Willie she'd rather stay with Daniel, and more importantly, she doesn't trust that harpy as far as she can throw her. Considering Will is probably a size negative two, that's saying a lot. Wilhelmina purrs that she finds Betty's combination of loyalty and suspicion admirable, really laying it on thick.
"Betty, you belong at Mode," she says, adding that she shouldn't answer now...and she shouldn't throw her future away at Player.
Back at home, her family agrees with Wilhelmina, especially her fashion elf of a nephew. "Player gets me nothing," he tells Aunt Betty. "It's like I'm stuck in a sand trap at the bottom of the ninth quarter." (Hey, I don't watch sports either! What of it?) Hilda takes that opportunity to ask Betty for a signed issue of Player she can give to Coach Tony, and Betty says she'll get right on that, right after she knifes Daniel with the news that his mortal enemy offered her a better job with more pay. Betty adds that she feels like she cheated on Daniel merely by having lunch with Willie, and Hilda has a fit.
"It's not cheating to explore other options because your situation is at a dead end!" Hilda blurts out, not talking about Betty's mess at all. Betty decides to come clean to Daniel about the conversation, "because secrets at that place have a way of going bad."
Right on time, we get a scene of Daniel wandering into an elevator with Wilhelmina, who lets slip -- oopsie! -- that Betty spoke with her about a job at Mode. But of course, she goes on, Daniel knows this because there are no secrets between him and Betty, right? Daniel pretends to know what she's talking about, confirming that "everything's out in the open between me and Betty."
The elevator's ding! and an elegant screen wipe segues into the next scene, and Daniel ripping into Betty for keeping this secret from him. She apologizes, and he demands to know how it happened. Betty tries to explain, but Daniel cuts her off, accusing her of not exactly saying no to Willie.
"Daniel, working at Player magazine isn't exactly my dream job!" she yells, and Daniel crumbles."I'm not happy here."
"I am," he says weakly. "Are you?" she asks. He rages again that he has no intention of ever leaving Player, and if Betty wants to go, she should. Betty asks if that's what he wants, and he fires the question right back to her. Not long after, a sullen Betty knocks on Willie's office door and asks if her offer still stands.
Noooooooo!....Roll credits.
As a fashion shoot pops in the background, Betty and Christina have a conversation about Daniel. Betty can't believe the kind of person he's become at Player, and Christina tells Betty that she can't make him change. Betty mourns the fact that she's working for Wilhelmina, but assures herself that she knows what she's capable of. Christina turns to her and says, "Truth be told, I'm glad you're back." They hug as Willie and Marc look on, disgusted at this display of friendship. Marc gloats, "Betty Suarez, under my rule. How I have longed for this day!" Willie warns him not to drive Betty away. Marc grandly sashays up to Betty and tells her that if she gets the filing organized, he won't beat her with a bag of oranges. Welcome back to the club, Suarez! Christina advises Betty not to drink anything he offers her, and Marc reassures her, with condescending taps on the nose, that since she's on Team Slater, "There will be no drugging of you!"
Meanwhile, at Player, Daniel has just learned from a leggy attorney (perhaps one of America's Hottest Lawyers?) that there's a problem getting Daniel Jr.'s immigration papers together. His French grandparents are suing for custody. But Big Daniel isn't giving up. "He lost his mother, he's not going to lose his father too." The attorney advises Daniel that things are going to get ugly, and before he gets in a huge legal battle, perhaps he should ask 13-year-old DJ what he wants to do? As the attorney is leaving, Daniel longingly stares as a mug with Betty's smiling photo on it. WWBD...what would Betty do?
Daniel's former assistant is busy fetching an espresso drink with lots of foam for Willie, who is in a meeting with cosmetics magnate Penelope Del Rios. Marc advises her to be invisible as she enters with the coffee and if asked, to say she uses Del Rios cosmetics. Betty says she doesn't use them, but with the whisk of a brush from Marc: "Now you do!" Betty enters just as Ms. Del Rios is refusing to buy an extra two pages of ads, telling her that spending money in Mode hasn't gotten her much of anything. Del Rios then corners Betty and asks if she uses her cosmetics. Betty stumbles for a moment, then admits no, she doesn't -- she can't afford them. Del Rios tells Betty they're coming out with a budget line, and Betty suggests they launch it with Mode ads, saying that the women she's targeting read the magazine, "they just can't afford to buy what's in there." Del Rios is persuaded. "I enter saying no, but I leave saying...yes!" Willie smiles at Betty.
Outside of the meeting, Betty's celebration of her coup is snipped short by Marc telling her she's made a terrible mistake. "Never outshine the queen!" he warns her. Betty tells Marc that she helped Willie, and Will even smiled at her. Marc informs her that Willie doesn't need the help, and she was showing her teeth. Backing up Marc's point, Wilhelmina calls for Betty sharply. "In my office. Now." She punctuates the command by showing her teeth.
Willie lets Betty stand in front of her desk in silence, before issuing a set of orders -- she needs a few things for the launch party. She tells Betty to run to Dior and pick up the fragrance that was created for her. No problem! Get some bee pollen, make sure it's African. Will do! Some cleansing milk...anything else?
Why yes. Go ahead and grab the tiara that Catherine the Great wore at the wedding to Peter the Third. It's part of the permanent collection at the Russian museum.
....Whazzat now? Willie shushes Betty and sends her off, telling her she has until day's end to complete her tasks. Hmm, it's true -- the devil really does wear Prada.
While Betty figures out how to lift some crown jewels for Satan's sister, Daniel enjoys a fatherly moment playing catch with DJ. He takes a moment to ask DJ how he feels about his grandparents, and the kid says he loves them very much. Perhaps the two of them can visit? Daniel decides it's better to play more and talk less.
Betty and Christina are enjoying a walk, where Christina confides in Betty that she thinks her husband's doing drugs again, and shows her a wad of hair in a comb that she can have tested to prove it. Betty is bemoaning the fact that she helped Wilhelmina, only to get a set of wild, impossible errands as her reward. Christina begs her not to get fired from Mode, saying that Betty's her only ally. Betty says she'll try her best -- and heads to the museum to see about borrowing the tiara.
As expected, relaying Wilhelmina's request is met with gales upon gales of derisive laughter from the security guards. What she didn't expect was the inexplicable sobbing fit from the museum's curator.
Snapping back to Mode, Marc is donning his latex gloves, prepping Wilhelmina's Botox injections and getting ready to savor Betty's humiliation, when Betty returns with a series of packages. Wilhelmina, ready to either fire Betty or perhaps humiliate her into quitting, asks why Betty took so long. The perky assistant explains that she had to go to several stores to get Willie's bee pollen, and the cleansing milk cost over $600, so she had to get authorization from accounting.
"And the tiara?" Willie says icily. Betty stiffens. "I don't have it."
Wilhelmina rears up before Betty pipes in with, "But they do!" Behind her are two men in black suits, holding an impressive box. They open it to reveal the item. Betty explains that the museum's curator was going through a bad breakup, and Betty sat and listened to her vent, something nobody else saw fit to do. And that was all it took!
Marc can't believe that all she needed to do in order to secure a priceless historic treasure was to be nice to someone, and Betty admits there's more to it. She worked out a deal with ad sales to get the museum a full page in next month's issue in exchange for Willie wearing the tiara for 48 hours. Also, the men bearing the crown must be within 20 feet of it at all times. Marc starts to babble something about Betty's coup being beginner's luck when Willie cuts him off.
"Marc, take off your gloves. Betty will be doing the Botox today." Looks like a crown of a different sort has been passed. Marc is not pleased.
Betty shakily prepares to inject Wilhelmina's face with poison, but Willie stops her. She tells Betty that she's long suspected the noble assistant was the brains behind Daniel Meade, and the fact that she passed the test was confirmation. Come again? Yes, the tiara errand was a royal trial...and she passed! There's only been one other person who's been able to get that tiara, and that was Wilhelmina herself -- when she was Fey Sommers's assistant. Of course her methods were far less wholesome than Betty's, but when she's given a seemingly impossible task, Betty showed she could accomplish it.
"Betty, you'd proved that you have rare potential," Wilhelmina declares. "That must be cultivated. I am going to groom you. And Lord knows you need some grooming." She tells Betty to take over the launch party, but Betty demurs...that's Marc's job. "And now, it's yours," Willie says. She mentions Betty's future again, and tells her that after being her assistant, she can pretty much write her own ticket in this town. And who know? Maybe she'll be the next...Wilhelmina Slater!
Betty looks confused...and horrified. Outside, she tries to make a request of Marc, but before she can finish he yells, "I would rather eat butter!" He accuses Betty of taking everything away from him, adding that Betty ordering him around is a crime against nature. "Sorceress!" he yells. Betty attempts to make nice, telling him that she was not gunning for his job but now she has to organize a launch party in 27 hours and she can't do it without him. Mainly because he's the only one who knows where to find an anatomically correct black vodka ice sculpture of Willie.
While Marc is crying on Amanda's non-existent bosom, Coach Tony comes in looking for Betty and that signed issue of Player magazine. Amanda and Marc paw all over him while he's waiting, and Betty makes good -- she gets the copy of the mag for Tony, and sends him on his merry way. The elevator doors have barely closed before Amanda walks up and demands his home phone. Betty denies her but she explains -- she pickpocketed Tony's phone, and needs to get it back to him (on top of needing to get on her back for him). But, she said, the cell pictures of him kissing that slutty stewardess are really putting a damper on her tingle.
Betty grabs the phone, saying her sister is not a stewardess. No, she's not -- but the woman Tony is kissing in his cell phone's pictures clearly is. Shock!
At Betty's apartment, Hilda has come by for a visit and Chinese take-out for dinner. She laughs about Tony telling her that Marc and Amanda sexually harassed him, then asks for Tony's phone. Yeah, about that...Betty gently breaks it to Hilda that there are pictures of him kissing another woman in there. Hilda takes a look in silence, then tells Betty yeah...it's his wife. Betty can't believe her sister is knowingly dating a married man. Not only is it wrong, Betty lectures her, it's going to end badly.
"Who says it's gonna end?" Hilda cries. "We're going to make it work! Can't you just be happy for me?"
"No!" Betty says. "He has a wife." Hilda admits Tony marital status tears her up. Betty has the solution for that: walk away. Hilda says she can't -- she's in love and she's no longer hungry. She walks out.
Daniel drops DJ off at school and tries to give him a first day speech in a combination of English and halting French. DJ tells his papa's French is, how do you say, "sucky." They smile and share a hug, and as he walks into school Daniel tells his mother Claire how much he's grown attached to the kid, and how much he'd miss him if the grandparents win the custody battle.
At Mode, party prep is in full swing, and Betty's buzzing in the center of it, trying to make sure everything is going off without a hitch. The ice sculpture arrives early, and she has another assistant get it into the freezer of a restaurant downstairs. Marc glowers from the sidelines and tosses hate her way, along with a huge bag of mail to be shredded. Betty asks him to help out and do it, and he says no, adding that just because she's Willie's favorite today doesn't mean that'll be the case tomorrow. Wilhelmina has no sense of loyalty -- then again, Marc adds, neither does Betty. Ms. Suarez is insulted -- she is loyal! she cries. Marc points out that as soon as Daniel got in the way of her career, she dumped him. But, that's exactly what Wilhelmina would have done. He finishes with the observation that she and Wilhelmina are a lot more alike than anyone would have thought!
Betty rears back in disgust at that...and we witness a fantasy montage of Betty as Wilhelmina, with perfectly dyed and flat-ironed hair in a flawless wedge cut, wearing an elaborate pearl necklace, designer suit...and her same old glasses and train-track braces. Marc administers her Botox shots, and she orders an office full of flunkies around. Daniel comes in, dressed like a man down on his luck, and Betty has him escorted out. The cherry on the dreamscape? She sees a puppy in her office and kicks it. "Not the puppy!" real Betty says as she comes to her senses.
She resumes the duty in front of her, shredding the contents of the huge mail bags Marc tossed at her...but, wait a minute. They're all addressed to Daniel. Betty opens one and reads it. Cut to: Betty storming into Daniel's office at Player with the mail bags, telling him what's inside -- they're all the positive letters to the editor that he received during his tenure as Editor-in-Chief at Mode. All these people loved what he did, and Willie hid their praise from him. Betty insists these letter are proof that he deserves to work at Mode, and that he's wasting his talents at Player. She tells him to show the letters to Alexis, and Daniel shoots down the idea, saying Alexis doesn't care about him.
True, Betty says. But Alexis cares about Mode. Daniel says he appreciates what Betty is doing, and he really does want to be back at Mode, but Wilhelmina won, and he lost and that's that.
"Daniel, anything you truly want has to be worth fighting for," Betty says, and leaves him to ponder that wisdom.
In the fashion closet, Christina confronts her husband Stuart about using her to get money for drugs, saying she got his hair tested and it was positive for all sorts of substances. "It's like Rush Limbaugh fornicated with Amy Winehouse, and they spawned you!" she yells. Christina threatens to call immigration on him, and he throws a mannequin against the wall as he stalks out.
Daniel watches DJ as he plays "Guitar Hero," then stops him to finally have a talk. He tells DJ that his grandparents want him to come live with them in France but, Daniels says in halting French, he'd like DJ to live with him. The important thing is, what does DJ want? The boy thinks for a moment and says, "You are my father. I want to live with you." It's settled, then. Daniel smiles and joins DJ in a round of shredding video game licks.
Cut to the party, which looks simply fantabulous! Wilhelmina comes up to congratulate Betty on her success, and Betty notices she's not wearing the tiara. Willie laughs derisively -- of course not. She's the editor of a major fashion mag. Like she'd be caught dead in that thing! Betty nods bitterly, then hands Wilhelmina a letter: it's her two week notice. She tells Wilhelmina she wants to be successful, but she doesn't want to do it by hurting people.
Wilhelmina doesn't miss a beat, telling Betty she misjudged her. She thought under those gaping pores and caveman eyebrows, that Betty was smart. Instead, she remained someone who was obsessed with right and wrong. "History is written by those who win, not by those who were the nicest," Wilhelmina spits.
"Enjoy your party," Betty says politely, and turns to leave...only to be stopped by Claire Meade. "Why don't you stay?" Mama Meade says. "This party is about to get very interesting." Betty and Claire turn to gaze upon the entrance, where Alexis and Daniel are confidently strutting on the scene.
Hilda shows up for her first "real date" with Coach Tony, and he's terribly late. She calls him to ask where he is, and he greets her with, "Hey, Bobby!" and says something about a family function popping up. Hilda asks if the wife didn't go out of town after all, and Tony says in a business chipper voice that he'll get back to "Bobby" tomorrow. "Is she there with you now?" Hilda huffs. Tony says, "Sure, sounds good...talk to you tomorrow." He hangs up, leaving Hilda standing alone at the door of the restaurant in her killer cheetah-print dress.
That's cold...but the situation at the Mode launch party is heating up fast. The Meades circle Wilhelmina as Alexis tells her she's not happy with the magazine, and Daniel reveals that sales of the first issue of Mode's relaunch are the worst ever. Willie says she has a specific vision, and she doesn't expect the Meades to agree with it. Alexis concurs on the vision part, adding that she still values Wilhelmina as the magazine's creative director. Alexis then gets the party's attention and announces the return of Mode's previous Editor-in-Chief, Daniel Meade. As the applause dies down, Marc finds Betty and hands her a glass of champagne. Betty tells him that she's on to his scheme -- she knows Marc left those letters for Betty to find so she'd find a way to restore Daniel to power. "You planned this whole thing so I would be back again and you would have Wilhelmina all to yourself."
"Don't be absurd," Marc coos. "I would never do anything to hurt Wilhelmina's interests...unless they were hurting mine." They smile coolly and conspiratorially at one another.
Willie reminds the Meades that she still owns a third of the company. Correction, Claire tells her, her unborn child owns a third of the company. "You would be nothing without that baby," Claire tells her. Alexis reminds her, again, that she's still creative director, and Willie tells them they'll regret pushing her aside." Claire responds by walking over over to the ice sculpture and pushing it over, making it shatter all over the floor. "Don't you ever threaten my children, Wilhelmina," she says. "You have no idea of the lengths I will go to to protect them."
Daniel walks up to apologize to Betty, and Betty accepts...if she can keep the raise Willie gave her? As they make cute banter about that, we see Christina heading out of the office to a dark staircase...and someone sneaking up behind her to give her a push. She tumbles down the stairs, lying unconscious in a crumpled pile at the bottom.
To be continued....
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