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Desperate Housewives
Secrets That I Never Want to Know

Original Air Date: Sep 25, 2011

Annette – Associate Staff Writer
annette@thetwocentscorp.com

Welcome back to Wisteria Lane for the eighth and final season! We left off last season with the murder of Gaby’s stepfather Alejandro and the housewives help in covering it up.

According to the wise and wonderful Mary Alice, good friends are the ones to stay and help you clean up after a party. I bet you never had a party like this, though. When all the neighbors finally leave, Gaby, Bree, Lynette, Susan and Carlos take Alejandro’s body to the woods and bury him. Bree and Gaby are staying strong, but Lynette and Susan look like they’re about to crack. Bree makes them take a pact that they will ALL keep this secret.

Fast forward one month, and everyone is dealing a little differently. Bree and Chuck are still going strong, but the other ladies are having reservations about her dating a cop. She assures them it will come in handy because she’ll know if he’s investigating anything. When he comes home and says he found a body because the killers forgot to get rid of the car, Bree and Gaby are off to find Alejandro’s car. Unfortunately, when they do, it’s a stick which neither of them can drive. After grinding the gears for a while, they get pulled over – by Chuck. Chuck offers to drive and after a multitude of lies about the vehicle and its contents, they have to pull over so Gaby can throw up the chewing tobacco she claimed was hers. That’s when the car gets stolen. Problem solved.

Carlos is having trouble dealing with the fact that he killed someone. He’s edgy and snaps at everyone, including Juanita who just wanted them to eat the waffles she made. He wants to confess to his priest, but when he arrives at church, Father Dugan is gone and a new, young priest is there and he’s a little too eager to hear some juicy gossip. Carlos leaves. Gaby kidnaps Father Dugan on his way to the airport and takes him to Carlos. The priest tells Carlos that the only way he’ll get absolution is by confessing to the authorities. Carlos says it’s out of the question because too many other people are involved. Later, Gaby tells Carlos that she’s been afraid of her stepfather her whole life and he may have taken a life, but he saved another. He gets absolution from her. I love Gaby in these serious moments.

Lynette and Tom still haven’t told their kids they’re separated. Although he’s been sleeping in Bree’s guest house, he runs over every morning before the kids are up, so no one knows anything is wrong. When Lynette has a nightmare about Gaby’s stepfather coming into her bedroom (dirty and bloody after crawling out of his grave), she runs over to Tom and they spend the night together. The next morning Tom thinks they may be reconciling, but Lynette tells him nothing has changed. They finally decide to tell Penny and Parker.

There’s a sexy new neighbor on the street and Renee is hot for him. She dresses in her ugliest and smuttiest outfit and tries to invite herself in for “coffee.” Neighbor Ben is not interested and shuts the door in her face. I think this was supposed to be the funny part of tonight’s episode – but it wasn’t. Vanessa Williams is seriously wasted on this show.

Susan’s way of dealing with the secret is by avoiding the other housewives completely. Her highlight of the last month is a day of substitute teaching at her old school. Unfortunately, Cupcake, the class hamster dies and it’s up to Susan to bury him in the garden. This hits a little too close to home and she flips out.

When Susan decides she doesn’t want to go to Gaby’s barbecue, Mike thinks she is drifting away from him. Susan tells the girls she wants to confess to Mike, you can imagine how well this went over with the ladies. When Susan walks away, Gaby jumps on her and the four women wrestle for awhile before falling into the swimming pool. While they dry off and talk more calmly, they realize that no one else can know, because they don’t want them implicated if the police ever do find out.

But someone else does now. When Bree goes home she finds a note in the mailbox: “I know what you did. It makes me sick. I’m going to tell.” Sound familiar?

So really, no one is dealing with the murder and secret very well, and now to make things worse, they’re going to be blackmailed over it. Any thoughts as to who wrote the note? I have no idea, but it would have to be someone who knew about the note from season one that caused Mary Alice’s suicide. Who do you think it is? Leave me your two cents!