photo: abc

Original Air Date: May 13, 2012

Annette – Staff Writer
annette@thetwocentscorp.com

For eight seasons we’ve laughed, cried and gasped along with the housewives of Wisteria Lane. We’ve endured lying, cheating, divorce, crazy neighbors, murders, fires, and tornadoes. There’s also been laughter and love and a lot of sunshine (I think in eight seasons it only rained twice, one of them being today).

As we begin the finale, Mrs. McClusky is off to hospice care even though she wants to die at home. It’s too hard for Roy to care for Karen alone, so Lynette, Bree, Susan and Gaby said they would all take shifts to take care of her and Karen realizes that her neighbors really are her friends. This is going to be very important later on.

Give Me the Blame
Bree’s trial is fully underway and Ben is on the stand. He refuses to answer the prosecution’s questions about how he was protecting Bree (as mentioned in the phone call taped by the police), so the judge holds him in contempt. Renee goes to visit him and she tells Ben that she remembers something about the night of the murder. The prosecutor overhears the whole thing and threatens to deport Ben if Renee doesn’t tell her everything she knows.

The prosecutor questions Renee and she tells the court that she saw Bree come home the night of the murder very late covered in mud and leaves and carrying a shovel. After this damaging testimony, Trip again tries to get Bree to tell him the truth. He tells her that he cares about her and he kisses her. This is enough for Bree to tell him it was Carlos and to explain everything that happened that night.

Tom calls Lynette to say he wants to talk in person. She thinks he wants to get back together (after hearing from Penny that Jane moved out), so she gets Gaby to help her get all glammed up for the night. When Tom arrives, he sees her all dressed up and of course assumes that she’s going out with someone and tells her that he is filing the divorce papers. He leaves and Lynette doesn’t go after him thinking he really doesn’t want to be with her (not knowing that he mistakenly saw her with Lee and thinks she’s with someone else).

Back at the trial, Trip recalls Gaby to the stand and gets her to confess that the man they all believe to be Ramon Sanchez is actually Alejandro Perez, her stepfather. Bree is furious that Trip is doing this and fakes passing out to get the court to recess for the day.

As Gaby is caring for Mrs. McClusky that night Carlos comes over to discuss what is happening. He wants to confess to the DA, but Gaby says it’s her turn to protect Carlos after he has protected her their whole marriage. She says she will tell the court that she is the one that killed Alejandro. Unbeknownst to them, Mrs. McClusky overhears their whole conversation.

Carlos is not having any of Gaby’s confession, so to stop him from getting to the courtroom, she hides a switchblade in his coat. This also makes her late and gives Mrs. McClusky time to convince Trip to put her on the stand. He thinks she’s going to discredit Renee since she tells him that Renee was very drunk that night.

Once Mrs. McClusky gets on the stand though, she says the whole neighborhood knew about how Alejandro sexually abused Gaby and when she saw him in the house harassing Gaby, she picked up the candlestick and killed him. Trip makes the prosecutor realize that now that the issue of sexual abuse is out there, he’s going to have to put Gaby back on the stand and the jury full of parents are going to be much more sympathetic to his cause. The prosecutor dismisses the charges against Bree and says that because of Karen’s advanced age and declining health, they will not be bringing charges against her.

Tom goes to see Karen after trial to see how she’s feeling. Roy tells him that he and Karen had “the talk.” They’ve said all the things they need to and Roy tells Tom he has to say these things while he still can. Tom stops Lynette in the street to tell her that she will always be the love of his life but knows she’s moved on. Lynette tells him she is in love with someone else, him. And they kiss passionately in the middle of the street. Of course we all knew these two crazy kids had to get back together.

Finish the Hat
Katherine Mayfair has returned to Wisteria Lane. She has gotten rich and bitchy in France and she’s back with a business proposition for Lynette. She runs a frozen French pastry business and they want to expand to the US and have Lynette run the US side in New York, figuring since Lynette and Tom are divorced there’s nothing tying her to Wisteria Lane anymore. Lynette turns her down saying she’s very happy on the Lane back with Tom. But a chance encounter with a former colleague makes Lynette think she won’t be happy if she’s not working. When Tom finds out he starts to think that nothing is ever going to make Lynette feel complete. Lynette uses her matron of honor speech to talk about remembering how full your heart is even though it’s easy to forget. Tom tells her that she could be happy anywhere – even in New York.

Renee is taking Bridezilla to a whole new level, yelling at everyone and being very bitchy on the way to her wedding. As Susan, Gaby and Julie are taking her to the wedding, Julie’s water breaks in the limo and ruins Renee’s dress and shoes. They make a pit stop at Gaby’s department store for a new dress, and Susan and Julie take off with the limo to go to the hospital. Gaby and Renee basically steal a dress and shoes and run to the ceremony.

Gaby has gotten a big promotion at work and now she and Carlos are experiencing a role reversal. She’s buying him jewelry when she comes home late and he hired a sexy new female gardener. Gaby chastises Carlos for using her shameful past with John the gardener to make a point. Carlos is sorry and they both agree to never go back to being that couple they were in the first season.

During a medical visit, Susan thinks Julie’s obstetrician is hitting on her and he tries to get him to ask her on a date. This is all basically a set up so that Susan can talk about how she has all these wonderful memories of Mike.

Trip is still calling Bree, though she still wants nothing to do with him. Mrs. McClusky decides to meddle. He finds a record for her that she wanted Bree to get for her funeral. Roy tries to tell Bree how hard he worked to find it and how it shows what a good guy he is. Trip shows up at Renee and Ben’s wedding and Bree gives him the cold shoulder. He just wants her to see what a good guy he is, but Bree doesn’t understand how he could want to be with her when he knows all her horrible secrets. With another passionate kiss, he convinces her that he likes her no matter what. She finally accepts this.

A musical montage of the birth of Julie’s baby, the death of Karen McClusky and the wedding reception of Renee and Ben lead us into the final poker game of the ladies. Bree, Susan, Gaby and Lynette all promise that they will get together to play poker, but of course, that’s not going to happen because they all end up leaving Wisteria Lane. Here’s what happens to all of them:

Susan is of course the first to leave Wisteria Lane, not long after that final poker game.

Four weeks later, Lynette and Tom move to New York. They are very successful and stay for the rest of their lives. Lynette plays with her grandchildren in Central Park.

Carlos and Gaby left a year later after developing a personal shopping website that led to a show on the Home Shopping Network. They end up in California.

Two years after that, Bree now married to Trip, moves to Louisville. She joins a conservative women’s group and he runs for city council. But it is Bree who is elected to the Kentucky state legislature.

As Susan is leaving her house for the last time, she meets the young lady who is moving in. As they drive off, Susan is feels as if she is being watched. She is, by all the ghosts of the residents of Wisteria Lane. And they drag out everyone for this: many of the characters who have died as part of this show make a cameo to see off Susan.

And of course, we are left with a mystery. The young woman who has bought Susan’s house has a secret she keeps in a box that she locks in a cabinet in the garage. But unless there’s a Desperate Housewives: the Next Class, I guess we’ll never know what this is all about.

THE END

After eight seasons, I admit I’m a little sorry to see it all end; even as frustrated as I have been these last few seasons. I’ve been along for the ride since the very first episode and loved how deliciously wicked and wonderfully creative this show could be.

This was a good finale. The first half of Bree’s trial went pretty much as expected. Of course she was going to be acquitted and as soon as I saw Karen overhear Gaby, I knew how it would all happen. But still, I liked how it was handled.

The second half was a little too chaotic and frantic (as I expected) as they wrapped up all the other storylines of the season in one hour. I liked that they told us how all the housewives continued their lives, though a part of me was sad that they all left the Lane. But I guess it’s time for new residents to have their own mysteries and scandals.