04x22 - Right Place, Right Time

[bunniefuu]

Ted (2030): In May 2009, I was about to have my first big client as an independent architect. I was desperate for this to happen.

Ted is in an office with two men.

Man: That's what you want, son. It's very simple. Opening a restaurant called Rib Town and it is to have the form... a cowboy hat.

Ted (2030): Everything.

Ted: A hat? This is brilliant. I love it! Nothing better to say "delicious" as inside a cowboy hat. I tell you, I'm your man. I think being born to draw this building. I... I see.

Ted is in the apartment, slumped on his desk.

Ted: I see it. I see it. (Robin enters) What is it good?

Robin: All-Nighter?

Ted: I told them I had a vision for this thing. They want a drawing in a week and I have nothing!

Robin: It's cute.

Ted: Cute? I can draw concert halls and bridges. Bridges so beautiful they could be in museums. And I could draw these museums. But I draw, what instead? Where is my career? A two-story Stetson... with a terrace on the edge. It's a cosmic joke. The universe conspires against me.

Robin: Did you just need to get out. Take a walk. Pay yourself a bagel.

Ted: Yeah, that'll solve everything. I have not slept for 34 hours, but a bagel is the answer. Cinnamon and raisin bagel with some cream. It looks good. I'll buy one.

Robin: Take an umbrella. It's going to rain, according Galoshes, our clown-weather.

Ted: Your show has a clown to present the weather? It's a bit nase, right?

Robin: And this restaurant that you draw, what form it, Hoss?

Ted: Okay. You want to fire me from here, I go out. I look forward to seeing what the universe has prepared me.

It takes an umbrella, left the apartment and then walking through the streets.

Ted (2030): Children, I tell you the story of meeting your mother. There is so much to learn from this story and it is most important. The greatest moments in life, it is not always what you do. This is also what happens to us. I'm not saying you can not influence the course of your life. You must act and you will. But remember that one day you could put one foot out and see your life changed forever. (He gives money to a homeless man) You know, the universe has a plan, children, and that plan is still moving. A butterfly flaps its wings... and it starts raining. (He opens his umbrella) It's scary. But it is also wonderful. All these workings of the machine running constantly, ensuring that you are exactly where you should be, exactly when you should be. The right place... (Someone taps him on the shoulder) at the right time.

GENERIC

Ted (2030): Children, it's a miracle I've been at this corner.Especially since it would have been easy I'm not there.

Flashback

Ted (2030): For example, when leaving the apartment, I almost go right instead of left. Why not right? For that, we must go back. As you know, your Aunt Robin had a show.

Robin: Eunice is itself these handbags. They are hand-embroidered silks at best. And each takes months to do. I can not say how long... (Robin threw in a bag) Weather, fools!

Clown: Hi, everyone! A high pressure system arrives from the west...

Ted and Robin are in the apartment.

Robin: On the other hand, I bought a big bag today.

Ted: Wait, why did you vomit?

Robin: You want to know.

Ted: Come on. Tell me.

Robin: I'm pregnant.

Ted: I will raise this child with you. You're not alone. You can get married if you want, but I want to see other girls, it would be one of those marriages...

Robin: Stop! I'm not pregnant. This is an intoxication. I ate something at the restaurant, three hours later, I vomited like a fountain.

Ted: Where?

Robin: This is a disgusting issue.

Ted: Where was your meal?

Robin: I want to tell you.

Ted: What?

Barney, entering: Go to YouTube. Tape "Robin Scherbatsky show vomit". Robin, already gone.

Robin: Someone has already put on YouTube?

Barney: Yeah... someone. So... why did you vomit? You're pregnant?

Robin: Yeah, I'm pregnant.

Barney runs off.

Ted: Why do you not tell me where you got your intoxication?

Robin: You adore this place. If I tell you, it will ruin it.

Ted: It makes sense. Do not say anything.

Ted is in McClaren's with Robin.

Ted: This Indian restaurant where the cat jumps on the tables?

Robin: I say nothing.

Ted: The Spanish restaurant with the cradle?

Robin: I say nothing.

The waitress brings a plate to Ted.

Ted: Is it here? Tell me!

Robin: You really want to know? This is Schlegel's Bagels.

Ted: Why do you have told me? Schlegel's? Thank you! I'll have to find another New York place that serves bagels.

Ted (2030): The children, though as usual, I had gone to Schlegel's Bagels, I would have gone right. I would have taken a bagel would be returned to work on this building and you would perhaps never been born. But I went left, towards my second favorite place. And the rest is history. Of course, on the way, I stopped in this booth. Why I got arrested? That's why.

Barney at the bar and reads a magazine. He returned to the apartment to see Ted.

Barney: The Bro's Life magazine. Page 83. Look.

Ted: "What does your paintball on your personality? "

Barney: Lowest.

Ted: "The last 3 kilos: how the push to lose. "

Barney: Highest.

Ted: Petra Petrova.

Barney: The Girl of the Year in May, according to Bro's Life magazine. A delicate flower in stiletto heel leopard thong and riding a 4x4.

Ted: These magazines are broken. It is certainly retouched.

Barney: I have an appointment with.

Ted: You are my hero! Really? How did you do?

Barney: It's not in the story. I waited a long time to say that.This girl... is the daughter.

Ted: Of course it is. Marry them! It.

Barney: Marrying? I have something even more special in mind. Petra, if all goes well, will be my... wait, my 200th! Can not wait. Too exciting.

Ted: The 200th with that... get laid?

Barney: Who I'll lie. I want the highest "Tope there."

Ted: Even if I was wearing protective clothing. 200 is too much!

Barney: As if there could be too much of something wonderful."Babe Ruth, gently, my grandfather. Do not hit too many home runs. Steve Guttenberg, you should not do that three Police Academy. America has laughed enough. "

Ted: Who are these girls? It was rhetorical. Show me the list.

Barney: 199 satisfied customers. Finally, the big night is Thursday. I give a reception before, in McClaren's. Prepares a toast. Tuxedo optional but desired. Gifts are, I would say useless, but follow your heart.

Ted: 200 is too much.

Barney: It's not too much.

Ted: That's too!

Barney, Marshall, Ted and Robin are at the bar.

Marshall: It's not too much.

Barney: Thank you.

Marshall: Do not misunderstand. You're disgusting and the cops should put a shoe on your part, but this number should be higher. After Barney told me about that, I reviewed the figures and... I have some graphics. Barney dredge about 20 girls a week.

Barney: It's more than 20. B. Does nothing more precise estimate.

Marshall: Let 20. So 20 girls a week, that's 1,040 girls a year.In its 16 years of sexual activity, it would mean that he has dredged 16,640 girls. If he has slept with 199, it's a success rate... slightly higher than one per cent. This is an average of 12 hits, eight times worse than average in career... launcher in one hand, the launcher... Jim Abbott.

Barney: Jealous. Jealous. Hero. Strangely silent during this conversation on his number of sexual partners. Hero. The grand total, it is the only number that matters.

Ted: Who said so?

Barney: Matthew Panning, the stud of Port Richmond College.

Barney is in college.

Matthew: Stinson, you're an amateur. I bet you've never done.

Barney: You neither.

Matthew: How many times I have to tell you? I did it with 100 girls. Fifth in school from my cousin in Long Island.

Barney: You know what, Matthew? One day, I would have done with 200.

Matthew: Call me when it happens.

Barney: And I'll call.

Ted: I think he'll say it again very slowly.

Barney: I will... the call.

Robin: You have noted Gaby Allan dual, 78 and 162.

Barney: What? Let me see. Sixty... Once. Oh, my God. Wait...I counted the same girl twice? That means I'm only at 198?

Marshall: It just means you're less than 0.5% was thought disgusting.

Barney: I win a Czech supermodel in two hours. I can not waste it in the 199th. Petra must be the 200th.

Ted: are you gonna do? You will find not a partner in the next 2 hours.

Barney: Astronaut Millionaire. You come home to see shells?

Woman 1: Get out.

Barney: I come from the grave of my wife. I buried her there was just one year. I miss her. I need comfort.

Woman 2: You're scary.

Barney: You're not as sick of all these games? I just want to settle down and have an army of toddlers at once.

Woman 3: I have a mass and I love to use it.

Barney: Marshall? Knowing how important it is for me, you think that Lily... I would do the job...

Marshall: I'll k*ll you.

Barney: Okay.

Barney leaves the bar. Ted finds himself alone with Robin.

Ted: Where did Barney? It's been over an hour.

Robin: You know, looking at the names on this list, I do not see a lot of ethnic diversity. It should really be questioned.

Barney returns.

Barney: It's done. 199 made of, more than one. Have you finished your drink? (He takes the ice in the glass of Ted and puts them under the table) That's better.

Ted: It has happened to you what?

Barney: There... a girl in the gym. Pauline. She runs after me for a while.

Ted: Why wait till then?

Barney: It's not really my type.

At the gym...

Barney: Good, Pauline. You're going to have all of Fonte Leveuse Sarasota Classic this fall. I thought... to you and me.And if you're still interested...

Pauline: Ok, this is the hour of cardio.

Barney: Good grief! Mom!

Barney: Every inch tasted like roast beef and creatine. But I did. I did and I still have 30 minutes before meeting with Petra.Robin, you have the foundation? I want to cover bruises and razor burn.

Robin: I hate to tell you this, but...

Barney: What?

Robin: You did the right Gaby Allan counted 2 times, but...you're also spent 138 to 138. Have you used the same number twice.

Barney: So that means... Pauline is not the 199th, it is the 200th?

Ted: Congratulations!

Barney: It must have Petra! Petra was to be the 200th!Beautiful, feminine, "unrestrained power in bed", Petra!

Ted: Go! Happened to you at 200. You should be proud. You should be tested, but you should be proud. We do not care if Pauline does not pose in bikinis in magazines.

Barney: It does. She will be in the next Muscle Sexxy. And like many women in this magazine, Sexxy has two X and one Y.

End flashback

Ted (2030): So, bagel on the way, I stopped a minute in a booth to see the photo of the 200th Barney. If I had not done that, I would have missed the cut by the booth and came 77th in this corner a minute earlier. I would have had the bagel, worked a little, and you children, you would not be born. Why I cut through the 77th and gave a dollar to the homeless? That's why. In the early days of Marshall to Goliath National Bank...

Flashback

Marshall: Fran, I will not bother you, but I have a presentation tomorrow and it would help me if I could have tables and graphs. Can you help me?

Fran: This is the graphics department. We can make all the graphs, tables, in all colors on the paper you want.

Marshall: We'll have fun. (At the bar...) I ranked the presidents in order of disloyalty. A: Johnson. Two: Bush. Three Harding.Four: Polk. (At the apartment...) This circle represents "Those who break my heart." And this circle represents "Those who constantly undermine my confidence. "And where they meet: Cecilia. (Back at the bar...) This is a pie chart describing my favorite bars. And that is a graph describing my favorite pies.(Ted, Barney and Robin Marshall waiting for a response) What is it?

Robin: That's enough tables.

Barney: What about the graphics.

Ted: Any visual representation of data.

Marshall: I'm not stupid. I know what you think of my paintings and graphics. In fact, I made a picture of your reactions to my paintings. See it. Yes, that's true, since Cecilia, your interest in my paintings do not stop falling. But based on recent trends, I also... projection boards! And look... a large peak of interest is coming! And it's not just a blip dead cat. It is a long-term growth.

Barney: It's you, sustained growth.

Marshall is at work in the meeting room.

Marshall: So, I prepared some charts to show how the setting up of a shell company in Bermuda could minimize our losses in the second quarter. And you avoid jail. To begin with...Excuse me a moment?

Marshall leaves the room. Ted is in the apartment when her phone rings.

Ted: Mosbius Designs.

Marshall: What happened to my pictures?

Ted: They were thrown.

Marshall: What?

Ted: That's an intervention. You could not stop eating, so we threw your cam.

Marshall: Come on, Ted! I need my pictures! Only for today and I promise to never ever do. I suffered a lot of pressure. I need my paintings, Jack!

Ted: You make tables work?

Marshall: It's for work, idiot! I make a great show and if I have not these pictures, I'm gonna get fired!

Ted: Damn. Not move. I bring them.

Marshall: Magne! I will research how to wait. (Marshall back in the room) Sorry, there is a little late with the tables. But we'll begin in a moment. Fish are weird, right? I mean, what's their problem?

Ted looking in garbage cans.

Voice: Tables! Buy your tables!

Ted: I'm sorry, Milt? I think these are my paintings.

Milt: These tables? On my coverage?

Ted: This is my blanket. We'll see later. But I need these tables.

Milt: Good thing they are selling.

Ted: Okay, how?

Milt: One million.

Ted: I give you five dollars.

Milt: One million.

Ted: No one will pay a million for these pictures!

Milt: One million.

Ted: OK, Milt, you won. I will give one million.

Milt: I'm urine...

Ted: The problem is that the distributor...

Milt: The alien time machine...

Ted: The alien time machine has a withdrawal limit. That's what I'll do. I give you a dollar... per day... for a million days.

Milt: It's... It's been 2700 years. It works! (Ted gives him a ticket and take the pictures) Big nase.

Marshall: Sorry, there is a star of earth? (Ted comes into the meeting room with tables) start.

Ted (2030): If I had not bought these tables for Marshall, I would not be passed by the 77th to give Milt his dollar. In short, you know the rest. And now, children. There are lots of little reasons that great things happen to us. If I knew then that these things take me and how I shall be grateful to them, I probably would have done something like that.

(Ted restarts in the sense that he came and took Milt in his arms, and others. Sometimes the bar where Barney reads a magazine and also takes in his arms. Then the room Sprot, in Schlegel's Bagels, to work with Robin) Because at the end, I landed in the right place at the right time. And with that, my life has never been the same.

He tapped on the shoulder and when he turns he finds Stella by his side.

End flashback

Barney is in McClaren's.

Ted (2030): The next day, Uncle Barney finally confronted Matthew Panning, the stud of the school of Port Richmond.

Matthew Barney, glad news, it's been a while. What's new?

Barney: I slept with 200 women.

Matthew: My God! This is too much. Finally... It's disgusting.Have you thought of consulting as a sex addict? You're the perfect candidate.

Barney: You've thought of consulting as "I win, you lose"?Suddenly, your 100 girls in fifth, it is so impressive.

Matthew: 100 girls? This is what it is? I lied!

Barney: Of course.

Matthew: I was 12, I was lying of course. I had no Ewok companion.

Barney: Of course.

Matthew: Your adult life is built on... something... on which I lied to 12?

Barney: Jealous?

Matthew: I get my kids to school. Looks like you got a lot of problems. Good luck, I guess.

Matthew Barney left hand alone.

Barney: I'm awesome. 200. Now what?

Robin is also the bar.

The End