F... DIVIDENDS! is a narrative about John Wheeler, a fifty-something man, and the narrator, Captain Number Cruncher, who are old friends. The story follows John's visit to the Captain's office in search of financial advice for his struggling law firm, Maplewood Justice LLP. Upon examination of the company's finances, Captain Number Cruncher discovers that John's business strategy has led to a lack of profitability and a dangerously low cash reserve. He confronts John about his poor business practices, specifically his reliance on dividends rather than reinvesting profits back into the company for growth. Despite initial resistance, John accepts the Captain's advice and agrees to implement a new pricing strategy to increase profitability. By the end of the story, Captain Number Cruncher has helped John see the error of his ways and set Maplewood Justice LLP on a path toward financial stability and success.

F... DIVIDENDS! centers on a pivotal moment in John Wheeler's life, where he must confront the consequences of his flawed business strategy and make the difficult decision to change course. Through the narrator's guidance and expertise, John is able to navigate this challenging situation and ultimately emerge with a renewed sense of purpose and determination. The story serves as a cautionary tale about the importance of sound financial management and the dangers of prioritizing short-term gains over long-term sustainability.