If you were hoping to see the ladies of Wisteria Lane bow out on an explosion, a murder, a divorce or some other form of disaster like we've come to expect over the years, then you'll be disappointed by the Desperate Housewives finale. In terms of story, the last hour of Marc Cherry's beloved show is certainly lightweight. But emotionally, it's an anvil.
The finale begins, as many expected it would, with a look back at Mary Alice Young's arrival on Wisteria Lane. She is greeted by Martha Huber, who is every bit as snoopy and rage-inducing as I remember. It doesn't take long for Mrs Huber to realise that her new neighbour is hiding a secret, and as Mary Alice explains that marked "the beginning of the end".
The following rapid-fire sequence of the most memorable moments of Desperate Housewives, cut between a shot of Mary Alice raising a gun to her head and another of her firing, is the first clue that the finale is not trying to top those extravagant plots of the past. It's a reminder of how action-packed Desperate Housewives can be, a segue into this relatively low-key farewell.
Back in the present day, Susan finally ends tells the ladies about her plan to move away when another familiar face makes her return - Katherine Mayfair. It's explained that Katherine broke up with her lesbian lover Robin shortly after they fled to Paris in season six when she realised that she is actually straight. Instead of collapsing into herself, as viewers may remember she has a tendency to do after break-ups, Katherine devoted herself to work and launched a successful frozen pastry business, which she now wants Lynette to be a part of.
Katherine later explains to Lynette that she wants her to head the US division of the company in New York. The only problem is that Lynette's just got back with Tom and now wouldn't be the right time to uproot the family. Katherine tells her to consider the offer and disappears. It has to be said that Dana Delany's guest appearance is probably the most disappointing thing about the finale. It just seems too rushed. While Mary Alice and Martha Huber admittedly made a brief appearance too, it seemed suitable given that neither really had a huge on-screen presence. Katherine on the other hand was a major character for almost two seasons. It would have been nice for her to have been more than a plot device.
Lynette isn't the only person to receive a job offer in the finale. Gabby gets promoted to the Head of VIP Sales at her department store and instantly starts arriving home late with expensive gifts to appease Carlos. He comes to the realisation that they have swapped roles, which Gabby revels in but he feels devastated by. In order to get back at her, he hires a hot Latino gardener to keep him occupied while Gabby is at work, a callback to the first few seasons when Gabby was cheating with John (actually, why isn't Jesse Metcalfe back in this finale?).
After winding each other up with this role-reversal realisation, Gabby and Carlos later sit down and say that they don't want to go back to the days when their marriage was in trouble. Gabby asks "why is it other couples waltz through life?" Carlos's response? "You and me, we're doing a tango." Wow, what an incredible line. Seriously, it's the perfect statement to wrap up the turbulent, but caring Carlos/Gabrielle romance. I loved this clever little gimmick. It's lighthearted but heartfelt and the idea of using this period of reflection to literally revert Gabby and Carlos back to their old character types is inspired.
The fun continues when the finale's two biggest unresolved plots - Julie's pregnancy and Renee's wedding to Ben - collide in the messiest way possible. Renee's already being a bridezilla when Julie, Gabby and Susan arrive to accompany her to the ceremony in a limo, so Julie's waters breaking all over her dress doesn't really help matters. One blood-curling scream from Renee later and the ladies are panicking and arguing about whether to go to Gabby's store to buy a new dress (and shoes) or take Julie to the hospital.
Renee, somehow, wins the argument and races around the bridal department with Gabby. They hit a snag when Gabby is unable to convince a co-worker to let her borrow a $6,000 dress and resort to legging it out the store without paying. However, their getaway car is long gone - Susan has commandeered it and driven Julie to the hospital. Oh Housewives, we're going to miss chaotic set pieces like this. The Wisteria Lane ladies really are the funniest they've been for a while in this scene. We were concerned that as a show that dabbles in both laughs and tears, the series finale would indulge too much in the latter. But no, there's still humour to be had.
Renee does eventually make it to the wedding on time by running the whole way there and is calmed down remarkably easily by Ben, proving why these two really are the perfect couple. Lynette and Tom on the other hand appear to be running into problems already, sparked by Lynette revealing that she fears being miserable if she turns down the job in NYC. Tom responds by saying that she will always be chasing something and will not allow herself to be happy. His frank words finally wake Lynette up and when she goes to give a toast to Renee, she begins speaking about how satisfied she is just to be loved by Tom. As they dance later, Tom suggests that they go to New York.
Unlike her friend, Bree is more reluctant to give her latest romance a shot. She's still not talking to Tripp after he called Gabby to the stand in her trial, although she starts to realise that maybe he's not so bad when he tracks down a rare vinyl that Karen wants played at her funeral. When Tripp shows up to the wedding Bree's thawed slightly, but Tripp warns her they can't be together if he she won't trust him. Her voice cracking, Bree admits she can't work out why he wants to be with her with all faults - and that's why she doesn't trust him. With her frank admission, all is resolved and the pair seal their reconciliation with a kiss.
As the end draws near, Roy plays Karen the song she wanted - 'Wonderful! Wonderful!' by Johnny Mathis. It scores some of the final scenes of Housewives - like Renee and Ben happily married, Julie giving birth with Susan by her side, Porter rushing to grab Lynette and Tom from the wedding and Bree and Tripp racing to Karen's bedside as she passes away.
The ladies meet up for one last poker game before Susan moves away and they agree to continue getting together when they can. However, Mary Alice reveals that the ladies failed to follow through on their pledge. Instead Lynette and Tom moved to New York, where she became a CEO. In her senior years, she takes her six grandchildren (of course) to Central Park and struggles to keep them under control.
Gabby and Carlos left Wisteria Lane after he helped her develop a personal shopping website and she landed her own show on the shopping network. They "argued happily ever after" in California. Bree married Tripp and moved to Louisville, where she got elected to Kentucky State Legislature.
Susan, of course, was the first to leave and after handing the keys to her house to a seemingly nice young housewife, she takes one last lap of the neighbourhood in her car. As she drives by, she is watched by the ghosts of Wisteria Lane - Mike, Karen, Mary Alice and others who have departed. Back in her old home, the new arrival on Wisteria Lane hides away a locked box containing her biggest secret.
While the finale for the most part really impressed, this writer was a little disappointed to see the housewives all leave Wisteria Lane for their fantastic (and infeasible) new lives. It would have been much preferable to have Desperate Housewives end on the idea that friendship is able to endure everything. I'd have rather seen Susan, Bree, Gabby and Lynette all have unhappy endings but stay unified. And their future endeavours, while interesting, seemed a bit unnecessary. It might have been better to leave that part to our imagination.
But the suggestion that secrets will continue to be outed on Wisteria Lane, almost like it's cursed, is fitting and it's a great way of establishing a sense of continuation even now the show's off-air. And after a finale like that, we suspect Desperate Housewives will endure in the minds of viewers for a long time as well.
Desperate Discussions
- I'm sure the citizens of France will love Katherine's description of them - "The women don't shave and the men wear purses."
- Renee: "I told you tighter, I don't care if I can breathe." Dress fitter: "At this point neither do I."
- Susan is correct - fertility is a big turn on.
- I'm glad that Lee managed to get one last laugh this episode.
- The girls finally breaking it to Gabby after 10 years that she has a poker tell - adorable.
- "Me staying gorgeous while the three of you age horribly." Then that cackle. We're going to miss you Eva!
What did you think of the episode? Leave your comments below!
