By Well. That was an awful lot of blood vomit.
Last week, I was so excited to have The Vampire Diaries back on my screen that perhaps I overlooked a few niggles. Luckily, this episode was so absolutely downright fantastic that I don't think I'll look back on it and think differently. This was superb television - tense, emotional and, yeah, with a lot of blood vomit.
'Growing Pains' gave us a hint of Elena's transformation, but 'Memorial' took the possibilities and ran with them. We'd only seen Elena have a fingertip of blood in last week's premiere, but that ain't going to get her through this. So feeding became the focus of the episode, but The Vampire Diaries didn't miss the opportunity to make it as edge-of-the-seat as possible.
Right from the very beginning, the episode was fantastic, as Damon and Stefan argue over what's best for Elena (it's thrillingly close to a little fisticuffs). Stefan's worried about what it will do to her if she kills a human while feeding, so he's training her up to drink animal blood. But when things get a little steamy in the woods - hot vampire sex, people, and boy is it hot - she has to rush off for the first of many bloody up-chucks.
Of course, this is Elena and - like last week - she refuses to let on when she's not fine. So while Stefan thinks she's dealing perfectly well with a bit of Bambi blood, she secretly turns to Damon for advice and help. And as if we hadn't had enough sauce from that pre-vomit hot vampire sex, Damon takes her into the Mystic Grill bathroom so that she can feed on him - and my goodness, it sizzles with chemistry. As she feeds from him, Damon tenderly strokes her hair, but warns her not to tell Stefan - apparently blood sharing is "kind of personal".
This is all intriguing enough as it is - not only is Elena getting progressively weaker as she struggles to keep blood down, but Damon and Stefan are at loggerheads again and working against each other - but then The Vampire Diaries introduces a new, genuinely frightening threat in the shape of vampire hunter Connor Jordan.
We first meet Connor as he snoops around Pastor Young's exploded house (and steals a letter addressed to Young's daughter, April, who's back in town), but his real intentions become clear when he makes an awkward visit to Carol Lockwood's house. Tyler and Caroline have been having yet more hot vampire sex (until Caroline freaks about all the dead council members, what a wet blanket), but Tyler goes to see who the new visitor is.
Unfortunately, when Tyler shakes Connor's hand he's suddenly burnt - perhaps by a glove soaked in vervain - and when Connor sees Tyler's reaction, he shoots him immediately. This guy? Not messing. Luckily, he's unaware that Tyler is a hybrid - when Stefan later pulls out the bullets, he confesses that they would have murdered a normal vampire.
Elena's transition is obviously not the ideal time for a vampire hunter to turn up, and at the memorial for the council members things get even more intense. Elena, who used to babysit April Young, goes to counsel her following her father's death (incidentally, April - Grace Phipps - was a brilliant new addition to the cast, perfectly encapsulating the confusion and awkwardness of very public grief). After all, they have both lost their parents.
But when Elena takes April's hand, she suddenly wants her blood and is forced to go and throw up in the toilet again (and apparently, vomit gets a lot more projectiley when you're a vampire). And then in the sink, too. Her dress is ruined, so she's forced to call Damon for help and a clean outfit. Unfortunately, Connor is waiting outside the bathroom, and he's feeling suspicious. As they wait for Elena, who hurriedly cleans up as best as she can, the conversation between Damon and Connor positively shivers with things unsaid.
It's a heart-in-the-mouth moment, but Damon and Elena somehow get through it and outside for a blood bag. That would be fine, except that Elena can't stomach that, either - she needs blood from the vein, and she needs it soon. What's more, Stefan arrives just after Elena goes back into the memorial - in time to see Damon hiding the blood bag. He's naturally furious, and even more so when Damon "accidentally" lets slip that Elena shared his blood. Presumably, it will become clearer what this means in the future.
But while there's fraternal fighting outside, Connor's busy staking April inside and dragging her upstairs. And no, he didn't mistake her for a vampire; instead, he's using her for bait. Training a sniper on the crowd below, he lets her blood drip onto the floor. So when Elena goes to give a speech for Pastor Young when April is nowhere to be found - knowing how important it was to her that people said good things about her father - things get insanely edge-of-the-seat.
Elena's already incredibly weak, walking gingerly wherever she goes, and now she can smell fresh blood. Damon immediately figures out that it's a trap, but that doesn't help, considering Elena is in front of everyone, the focus of their attention. You can't help but lean into the screen at this point, but Stefan saves the day by going up to her and leading her away, pretending she's upset. This doesn't help - Elena still needs blood, and it's still dripping down tantalisingly close.
In yet another amazing moment, Matt - feeling guilty about his role in Elena's vampirism - whispers that she can feed from him. From upstairs, it looks like Matt's simply hugging her and consoling her as she chomps on his neck. The moment she feeds - with everyone singing a hymn in the background - is incredible. But Elena, always thinking of others, is still worried about April. They can't risk helping her and showing that they can smell the blood, so Tyler offers himself up - he takes to the pulpit to give a speech about teamwork and "giving yourself up", before being shot by Connor and causing chaos.
In the ensuing horror, Damon goes to fight Connor, but almost comes out worse (until Stefan arrives to save the day and Connor rushes off, now pretty clear Damon's a vamp). Of course, Stefan takes the opportunity to punch Damon, too: "What was that for?" "You know what."
And Elena rushes to save April, though when she gets close the blood almost becomes too much for her. I was hoping that she would feed from her, but Caroline arrives just in time to stop her from doing something she'll regret. Instead, she talks Elena through her first compelling, as she makes April forget everything that has happened. Is this the start of a slippery slope for Elena, though?
That would almost be enough, but we get more titbits - Connor reads the letter to April from her late father, who says his death is "but the first in the war ahead", while Jeremy congratulates Connor on his arm tattoo... which no-one else can see. That's a little worrying, right?
But the episode ends on an emotional sucker punch, too; Elena and Stefan argue over her decision to seek help from Damon, before Elena sobs that she is "sick of crying" and of her life being a never-ending funeral. Stefan gathers everyone together for a memorial of their own - including Bonnie, grieving for Grams anew and unable to perform spells - lighting lanterns in memory of those they have lost (and yes, Elena does mention herself, as I was begging her to). This should have been cheesy - instead, it just seemed so heartfelt.
Still, Damon refuses to take part, storming off as he always does. It's only later when we see him talking to Alaric's grave that we realise that he is grieving in his own way - and why he's been refusing to let anyone sit next to him at the Mystic Grill bar, in Alaric's seat. It's a joy to see Matt Davis's surprise return as a ghostly figure, but it's also a heart-wrenchingly sad scene, as Damon natters away and complains that Alaric owes him for leaving him to take care of things. "I miss you too, buddy," Alaric sighs, unheard by Damon and causing tears to flow across the land.
This was a truly wonderful episode of television - full of darkness and excitement and threat and thrills. Yes, everyone talked about emotions being "heightened" way too much. But if that's the only thing you can criticise, then you've just watched a pretty outstanding piece of TV.
The Vampire Diaries airs Thursdays on The CW.
