Everybody has their favorite Simpsons episode. This one is mine. The first time I saw it, way back in 1997, it completly floored me. Maybe it was the Irish jokes, being a resident of Boston at the time. Maybe it was the alcohol jokes, being a college student at the time. Or maybe it was the Untouchables references running throughout, being, um… familiar with that series… from the '50s. Whatever the reason, the lines from this episode stayed with me and continue to enter my daily life. I've also come to terms with some of the very minor issues of "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment," but those tiny flaws do no prevent this episode from being my personal favorite.
It all starts with the Springfield St. Patrick's Day parade. Kent Brockman is broadcasting live from Main Street where "today everyone is a little bit Irish. Except, of course, for the gays and the Italians." As the parade progresses, the crowd gets rowdy, with Celtics jersey wearing revelers climbing into Brockman's booth shouting, "This is some wicked pah-ty," and "Hey, have you seen Sully?!" Things take a turn and a riot breaks out, causing Brockman to say one of the episode's multiple memorable lines: "All this drinking, violence, destruction of property -- are these the things we think of when we think of the Irish?"
But the partying comes to an abrupt halt when Bart accidentally finds himself completely smashed after a gush of beer makes its way into his plastic horn. Mayor Quimby soon finds himself being accosted by those who want alcohol banned from the city. When the town clerk discovers that there's been a prohibition law in the books for 200 years, the city begins to uphold the previously unenforced law. Alcohol is banned from Springfield.
The second act opens with a narrator a la Walter Winchell from The Untouchables: "Dateline: Springfield. With prohibition back in force, sobriety's peaceful slogan was shattered by its noisy neighbor, the Speakeasy." At first, Fat Tony's gang is supplying Moe's Pet Store speakeasy, but once the illustrious Rex Banner is brought in to take over for Chief Wiggum, the mafia is taken out of the picture. Enter Homer, the Beer Baron. What follows is Homer's most ingenious scheme, where he fills bowling balls with beer recovered from the dump and then bowls them to Moe's through some underground pipes. As Marge puts it, "This is the cleverest thing he's ever done."
The plot is fun, but it's the endlessly quotable lines, most about alcohol, which make this episode stand out. "Listen up, this is the busiest drinking day of the year. Where are the designated drivers? Beat it! I got no room for cheapskates." "You can't seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism." "At first, I thought prohibition was a good thing. People were drinking more and having a lot more fun. Without beer, prohibition doesn't work!" Plus there are the non-alcohol-related classics like, "We're going out, Marge. If we don't come back, avenge our deaths," and my go-to line whenever I'm feeling blue, "Poor Wiggum."
Having now distanced myself from my love-at-first-sight of the episode, I can see that the Rex Banner character doesn't quite live up to his potential. He serves his purpose well, and does have some key moments, but he still seems a bit weak for a character parodying Elliot Ness. Plus the death-by-catapult never made a lot of sense -- though the cat being hurled miles away is always good for a chuckle. Still, with so much more to love, these minor quibbles do little to quell my adoration. Besides, an episode containing what I consider The Simpsons' greatest quote is definitely going to score high. "To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."