Sex and the City (TV Series)

Three's a Crowd (1998)

Noelle Beck: Barbara

Quotes 

• Barbara, Mr. Big's Ex-Wife : I didn't know you were into children's books.

  Carrie : Well, who doesn't love children's books?

  Carrie : [in her head]  Five minutes of bodice-ripping material out the window. So, I did what any writer would do... I pulled an idea out of my ass.

  Carrie : Well, my story's about a little girl... named Cathy. Little Cathy.

  Barbara, Mr. Big's Ex-Wife : And what makes Little Cathy special?

  Carrie : Well, um, she has these magic...

  [looks at cigarettes in her purse] 

  Carrie : ...cigarettes.

  Barbara, Mr. Big's Ex-Wife : She has magic cigarettes?

  Carrie : Yes, "Little Cathy and Her Magic Cigarettes". And whenever she lights up, she can go anywhere in the whole wide world. Like Arabia or New Jersey! Of course that's going to be worked out.

  Barbara, Mr. Big's Ex-Wife : You want to write a children's book about smoking?

  Carrie : Yes, it's a children's book for adults.

• Carrie : [voice over narration]  That night, I thought I could put the whole Barbara thing out of my mind. After all, Mr. Big was with me now.

  Barbara, Mr. Big's Ex-Wife : Nibbling his ear lobes? How sweet. Let me show you how it's really done.

  Carrie : [voice over narration]  So I guess you couldn't avoid a threesome. Because even if you're the only person in the bed, someone has always been there before you.

  Mr. Big : Hey, what just happened? Where'd you go?

  Carrie : Preoccupied.

  Mr. Big : No kidding. About what?

  Carrie : [voice over narration]  Your ex-wife's breasts, your ex-wife's lips, your ex-wife's long legs.

  [Spoken] 

  Carrie : ... My column.

  Mr. Big : You know, I didn't tell you I was married because it was a long time ago.

  Carrie : What happened?

  Mr. Big : Alienation of affection, followed by divorce. Let's not talk about the past, please.

  Carrie : [voice over narration]  What Mr. Big didn't realise was the past was sleeping right next to me. The next day the flesh and blood Barbara asked me to lunch.

• Barbara, Mr. Big's Ex-Wife : Listen I have some not great news.

  Carrie : [voice over narration]  I'm back with Mr. Big!

  Barbara, Mr. Big's Ex-Wife : The head guys didn't go for Little Cathy. But fuck 'em, they wouldn't know a good book if it bit 'em in the ass.

  Carrie : Yeah, fuck 'em.

  Barbara, Mr. Big's Ex-Wife : I still love the project, and at the risk of sounding like a groupie, I'd really like it if we could become friends.

  Carrie : Friends?

  [voice over narration] 

  Carrie : Two hours and four chardoney's later, I was sleeping with the enemy.