- Blair seeks revenge by enticing Chuck to seduce Vanessa; Serena rebels at a party of Lily's; Dan and Jenny find out a secret Nate has been hiding.
- Vanessa begins her own slide on a dark path when she tries to blackmail Blair into being a nicer person, with the photos she took of Catherine and Marcus. Blair then seeks revenge by convincing Chuck to try to seduce Vanessa to steal her phone camera. Meanwhile, Lily and Bart throw an extravagant housewarming party and expect their children to make them proud, but the Serena do not want to follow the rules when she correctly suspects Bart to be influencing Lily to do what he wants for business and self-interest. Elsewhere, Dan and Jenny discover a big secret that Nate has been keeping from them.—Anonymous
- Gossip Girl -- Chuck in Real Life
Previously on Gossip Girl: Eric is gay! Lily will not conceal things! Nate's gf was sleeping with her stepson! Dan and Nate strangely bond; Chuck is quasi-envious.
Oh, it's autumn in New York, bringing out the true colors in everyone. Serena comes down to breakfast -- oh, Bart is home early! He's in for the long haul and just in time for the house party. Eric asks a freighted question if they can bring "friends" -- Lily says yes, of course, dear. By the way, Bart bought Serena a suit (she mistook it for a new maid's outift). Bart, meanwhile, intones that the housewarming is the Bass-van der Woodsen debut as a family, so some guidelines should be set. Every Friday we dine! Weekend curfew of 1am! (Eastern or Pacific, Chuck asks) No going out on school nights! (It's mayhem!) Serena is disgusted.
In Brooklyn Vanessa is protesting the sale of some important building and trying to give it "landmark status" -- sign the petition, Dan! Maybe V should go to Dan's school to sign up the filthy rich -- oh Dan, why do you have a soccer ball? He's like totally subbing on the team -- Nate asked him. V is classily aghast.
Serena is angsting about the rules to Eric -- mom is totally Stepford-ing out! Is it so bad, sis? (Serena mentions colonics and brief conversions to Islam re Lily's previous boyfriends) They can't choose our lives! Eric is sincere -- can't we try? OK, until gloves come off and claws come out. Eric playfully acknowledges Serena's mixed metaphors. They can make it work!
At school, Nate and new BFF Dan are talking as Chuck tries to muscle in on the new bromance -- no luck, Mr. Bass! And who should be around to rub it in but Queen Blair -- poor Chuck! Oh, we're inevitable to be together, Blair. But Queen B's brain knows better -- sorry, must dash!
The wannabes are reading the riot act to a poor blonde -- OMG, tights are not pants! As the trial gets underway, Vanessa (!) saunters up. Can Blair help with this important petition thing? Saving a teardown? Real estate is not on the charity list! Oh, V can make her help -- er, she knows why Blair and Marcus broke up, but no one else does. And she has digital pics to prove it. 1000 signatures by EOD? Thanks, B!
At Casa Bass-van-der-Woodsen, Chuck spies Serena staying at home -- she's being good, but Chuck wants to be bad. Chuck spills the 411, as it turns out Bart is being all family values to get a new client. Hope your book is captivating, sis!
Yowza - Bart gets off the elevator to see Serena in a to-die-for red dress with heels. Where are you going, young lady? Oh, I feel like heading out with the girls, to find paparazzi! Ciao for now! Oh -- I forgot to put on underwear, stepdad! Elevator door closes.
Oh, Blair is coming to Chuck for... something. The word "troll" is used -- but B has a proposition. Could V's deception benefit them both? Please Chuck -- seduce and destroy Vanessa. It'll be one for the ages. Oh, are you not up for it? Mechanical problems? Chuck purrs to Blair that he'll imagine V is B. Oh, it's so Les Liaisons Dangereuses, as Gossip Girl reminds us. Tres bien!
(Commercial break: did you know Nate was in a new cheesy horror movie?!)
It's brunch in Manhattan and Serena and Blair are chatting and dining. OMG Blair -- did you smile when I said Chuck's name? No, god! Oh, isn't that Eric, with a cute, plaid, age-appropriate boy in tow? It's Jonathan, Eric's boyfriend! OMG, everyone is kvelling! How did you two meet? Serena, somehow, manages to get in two more Chuck digs at Blair.
Dan is going on about some soccer thing to Jenny -- it's basically an assist! Jenny is giving him the deal on his wanting to hang out with girls vs boys. You have girl friends, Dan, like Vanessa! Argh, Dan is calling Nate, trying to set up a bromance date. Rufus and Jenny are tres amusant -- affectionate homoerotic barbs are tossed.
Meanwhile, V is trying to save Brooklyn's history at some demonstration, as Chuck's limo rolls up. He's there because of her -- it's a business opportunity. Vanessa is disgusted. Do not buy this place, we want landmark status! Um, endorse Chuck's bid and all will be good. V is dubious until Chuck's suit is pelted by fruit from protestors. She's amused, he's irked. Round one to... V?
Lily's wearing smart glasses as she corners Serena -- oh, dear daughter, you went out looking like a stripper last night? Bart is not my father, mom! Can't we be a real family without icky rules? Well, Serena, you could benefit from some rules. Oh, when would you have done that mom, three husbands ago? Ouch! The arrow strikes the bulls-eye -- that was unkind. Serena stomps off.
Dan is at Nate's for their bromance date, and spies some reposession notices -- uh oh, what is up? Dan goes down to the -- gasp! -- basement apartment looking for his new BFF. Just then Nate calls -- yeah, I'll see you in the park in 10, bud! And then, Dan spies Nate's new semi-squalid surroundings. OMG -- Bangs Boy is sleeping in a ... sleeping bag! On the floor! Oh, the humanity!
Dorota the maid announces Mr. Bass for Blair. Deal is off, Blair! I will not seduce Vanessa, there's no prize here. Um, Blair so has a prize -- we've veered from Les Liaisons Dangereuses to Cruel Intentions now. If Chuck gets V, then Chuck gets.... B! Blair is so into it, but be careful about deals with the devil and Chuck Bass, warns Gossip Girl. Game is back on!
Vanessa is at Chuck's -- his proposal for preserving landmark status is appealing. He's coming on all sexy, but she's not buying it. You have to meet with someone, but I still don't trust you, Chuck! He's all seductive in his paisley robe. Vanessa, however, is not buying it.... well, maybe she might invest ten cents out of curiosity.
Serena is kvetching to Blair about Lily and Bart -- another one of her failed relationships! Zip me, S, while you go on and on and on... OMG, check out all of Blair's shoes! Serena is still going on and on.... wait, B, you look gorgeous! Wait, you're wearing a dress that Chuck gave you? Why not, S? Eyebrows are raised.
Dan and Nate are talking soccer (yawn) in Central Park -- are you going to the Bass housewarming? Dan says nyet, Nate says he's going to stay at home. Excuses are made that Dan can see right through.... sad music plays. Should Dan say something to his new BFF?
Chuck is eyeing the new bar-slash-landmark -- the proprietor disses Chuck's outfit to V's amusement. OMG -- Mr. Horace-the-Proprietor knew Joe Kennedy, and the place is totally prohibition era. Chuck is impressed, and a new friendship is made. Chuck, you would fit right in. Wow, has Mr. Bass found a new father figure?
Dan is debriefing with Jenny on the phone -- what, Bangs Boy is practically homeless? Invite him for dinner, we'll get him to stay! Dan posits, Nate accepts, even though Scattergories will be played!
Plaid boyfriend Jonathan stops by to drop off some books for Eric. Serena is glad to see him -- aren't you coming to the housewarming? Plaid Jonathan says no -- apparently Eric said that Bart said it was "only family." Uh oh -- big sister is angry!
Chuck and Vanessa are also debriefing -- you're serious about buying this place, aren't you, Chuck? Wow, he really is, and seems to be seeing V through different eyes. He's about to say something when... Blair texts! Chuck is derailed from his sincerity. Won't Vanessa come to the housewarming? She'd lurve to! Drama!
(OMG - watch the Chuck promo set to Britney Spears' new single "Womanizer"!)
The housewarming is in full swing -- introductions are being made, Lily is trying to impress the new clients, just as Serena waltzes by. Bart swoops in, and hijinks ensue slightly -- turns out Bart says he in no way told Eric not to bring his new boyfriend. Talk to your brother, Serena, and you'll see I am not a bad guy! S rolls her eyes.
Meanwhile, Blair wants a status report from Chuck. She's trying to be all catty and he's not really paying attention, and then brushes her off as a stunning V enters. Just as Chuck tries to be all nice, Bart intervenes.... what is up? Uh oh -- V and B trade looks. Drama is coming!
Nate is at dinner in Brooklyn -- how is everything at home, Bangs Boy? Dan tries to deflect Rufus' question, to no avail. Nate has to stay in town for school, and he can't leave the place he grew up, right? Fraught looks are exchanged among the Humphreys.
Bart throws it to Chuck -- you're trying to buy a bar in Brooklyn? Chuck makes a good sell, but dad will have none of it. Bart insults Chuck not once, not twice, but three times, as Vanessa watches.
Dan and Nate are doing dishes -- want to crash on the couch Homeless, I mean, Bangs Boy? Nate is embarrassed and angry, Dan tries to play nice, but Homeless Boy will have nothing to do with charity!
Vanessa finds Chuck -- you deserve better than your dad. Chuck pontificates on the badness of Chuck, but entreats V to stay. He seems... sincere! V is buying it! B is watching and pissed!
Eric and Serena are talking -- really, sis, Bart told me that reporters would be here and that I should decide what I want! Do I want to expose my new boyfriend Jonathan to all this? Bart is not that bad of a guy! He's totally supportive.
Just then, said reporters waltz up, wanting to ask questions about the close-knit family. Serena lets loose -- mom, you are so not close! Aren't we sharing memories, mom? Cocaine-addicted husbands are mentioned, and Serena stops the room. And turns out, Serena's issues aren't with Bart. As S realizes, her issues are with mom! More drama!
Blair confronts Chuck -- um, bet's off! She's calling it on account of boredom. Chuck won't have any of it. Oh, B, are you afraid you'll have to live up to *your* end of the bargain. Blair scoffs, pauses, scoffs some more, and huffs off. Chuck is intrigued!
Lily is decompressing to Eric -- I wasn't as bad as Serena said, was I? Eric is nice, but basically says, um, yes, mom. Serena pretty much raised me! The doorman signed our permission slips! Stop pretending we can be perfect right now! We have to learn to become a family, mom.
Rufus and Dan are chatting -- I tried to help Nate, and he bailed. Rufus is sympathetic, and tells Dan not to give up on Bangs Boy. He's going through some intense stuff, so look out for him if he's your real friend.
Uh oh -- Blair and Vanessa contretemps! B has V's purse -- turns out she found V's digital camera, and totally freed up her storage space. Marcus and Catherine are free to live their sordid little lives, as is Blair now, so scram, Brooklyn girl! Oh, one more thing -- Chuck has no real feelings for you, as it was a total bet. V deduces it all -- isn't that convoluted, even for you, Blair? Chuck didn't even hit on me once, Headband Girl... just then Chuck comes up, and B spills it all. The look on Chuck's face tells Vanessa all she needs to know.... she leaves, disappointed and a little sad. Uh oh -- Chuck is angry! Blair, however, is ready to give Chuck his prize. (Why, exactly, we can't figure out -- Blair logic.) He's made his bet, now he has to lie in it. Wow, Chuck appears to be actually conflicted!
Dan is somewhere in Manhattan -- Nate's place? -- when he happens upon Serena. Barbs are traded. Care to make my night worse, Brooklyn Boy? Dan puts on his sympathetic face.
At the Brooklyn bar, Horace the proprietor is spinning 45s as Chuck walks in. Horace is angry that Chuck's deal fell through, but Chuck tries to make amends. He wants to save the place, but Horace reads him to filth and sends him on his way.... as Vanessa watches secretly. Wow, does Chuck have an actual real heart?
On Nate's doorstep, Serena and Dan are talking civilly. Pretend I'm Nate, Dan says -- talk to me. She starts in on the story. Dan offers some insight, which so makes him not Nate! Wow, then Serena says she's sorry about... everything! Dan is too. And then... Bart drives up in his limo. Can I give you a ride home, Serena? He seems apologetic. She says yes, but not before telling Dan that Nate really needs a friend about now. Is that you, Dan?
At Casa Bass-van-der-Woodsen, the party is cleared out, and Eric and Lily are dining on a huge cake. Lily owes Serena an apology, for the 17 years of.... before. The four gather around the cake, and apologies are made all around. Our family is our family! Laughs are had.
In Brooklyn, Dan arrives back home... with a new lodger. Nate! With bags in tow. Jenny and Rufus are pleased. So is Nate, apparently. Make you and your bangs at home, Nate!
Meanwhile, Blair has lit the candles and set out the champagne for Chuck to accept his prize. Silky lingerie too! Chuck comes in... looks at saucy vixen Blair (too saucy -- overworked lace stockings and a red silk outfit? Really, B?). What took you so long, Chuck? Um, if you think that's long, you have no idea what you're in for! Reowr! There goes Chuck's jacket, kisses are had, Blair sighs, we go to slo-mo... Say it, B. Say those three words you wanted me to say? And he's not kidding. Say them.
Chuck, you are ruining the mood! Uh oh -- Mr. Bass pulls back. He will not settle! Say it.
Chuck Bass, I.... will never say those words to you!
Then you will never have me, Mr. Bass intones. Are you ready to raise the stakes? Time for you to chase me, Blair. And thus he departs.
Let a new game begin! XOXO, Gossip Girl
Contribute to this page
Suggest an edit or add missing content