- Ted reacts to his mom's second wedding by making the capricious decision to buy his "dream house," while everyone tries to figure out whether Barney or Robin cried at the wedding.
- Ted is telling his kids the crisis he endured at the announcement of his mother's second marriage to free thinking Clint, whose every word about Ted's mother is of a sexual nature. Not being able to contain his horror not only in her marrying a man like Clint but her marrying for a second time before Ted even enters into his first marriage, Ted runs off in the middle of the reception. But when he emerges 72 hours later, Ted is a new, happier man. He has circumvented his own non-marriage status by buying a house. Although he considers it his dream house, the gang see a run down uninhabitable rat trap. The home inspector concurs. Lily thinks she has at least a cathartic solution to Ted's problem. But it's Marshall who knows deep down what Ted will do. Meanwhile, Robin and Barney have differing stories about which of the two of them cried at Clint's sexually charged wedding serenade to and about Ted's mom. And Marshall comes up with a new guessing game he calls "was I a kid or was I drunk?"—Huggo
- Ted is upset when his mother marries her long-term partner and walks out of the wedding refusing to give a speech. Later, he grows morose and disappointed that he isn't married with children and buys a dilapidated house on a whim. However, will his friends' reactions convince him to get rid of the house?—Robrog8999
- Ted is stunned when his mother and her long-term boyfriend Clint (Harry Groener) announce they are going to be married. Clint finds Virginia (Cristine Rose) very erotic and she is chuffed that Clint picked her. At the reception, Ted is unable to grasp the fact that his mother is getting married a second time before he has even once (she was lapping him), and when Clint begins singing a song (after showing a painting of himself and Virginia, nude.. Ted is embarrassed and covers the painting back) (The song was about her trembling bosom and his burning loins), Ted leaves without giving his toast. Ted was the single guy at his own mother's wedding. The gang then doesn't see him for nearly three days (72 hours), after which Ted reveals that he has bid for (on an online auction) and bought a house. The gang questions his decision, as the house is old and dilapidated, but Ted is convinced that as an architect he'll fix up the house once he starts a family. Lily says it will take a fortune to make the place livable..
The group berates Ted for making this decision too early, seeing as he isn't even married yet. Ted is already planning sausage parties in the backyard. Marshall tries to take the pressure off his friend by having the group play a game where they try and guess whether Marshall had been a kid or drunk during wild and stupid instances in his life (such as putting fireworks in the microwave, drove a bike from the roof of his parent's house on an extension ladder (he was in coma for a week), drove his brother's car the wrong way down I-94). Ted argues that Marshall knew in the first week of meeting Lily that he was going to marry her. If the inspector was around then, he would have said that her hips were not Eriksen baby compliant and her mouth didn't have a filter.
When an inspector arrives and begins rambling off the number of problems with the house (leaky pipes, pond in the basement, rats infestation, black mold, damaged retaining wall, frayed electrical wires, lead paint, the fire damage, sun damage, the broken furnace, rotten floorboards, but no termites.. The cracked chimney, the bats, spiders, raccoon, hobo, the detached gutter, outdated fuse box.. He strongly recommends Ted not to buy the house and a medium sized wind is likely to blow it down.), Ted finally agrees with the group, especially after the inspector is injured when he falls through the ceiling (he found termites). Dejected, Ted wonders if he will ever have the life he dreams of; Lily cheers him up by telling him to bash at the house with a sledgehammer, and the whole group has fun smashing a wall with it.
Meanwhile, Barney catches Robin crying during Clint's song at the wedding, and takes every opportunity to mock her for it. Robin finally snaps and reveals it was in fact Barney who was crying, and that he offered to pay Robin $500 to keep quiet and say she had been the one shedding tears. Barney explains he was jealous of Clint, revealing he had "shared a moment" with Ted's mother while dropping her off at the airport. He wanted to be Ted's dad and when Clint got into the picture, Barney knew what he had lost. Barney kisses Ted's mom in the car. He calls her a Mellcamp as a cougar cant be over 50 yrs old. He attempts to save face by claiming both that he had agreed to say that he paid Robin to keep quiet and that he had kissed Ted's mother, but both tales are revealed to be falsehoods.
Ted goes to see his mother and Clint, and gives them the toast he had meant to give earlier. Her mom is baked, but still glad that Ted is happy for her. Later, Ted returns to the house, and finds Marshall cooking sausages on a grill in the back. Marshall knows Ted isn't going to give up on the house (Ted's heart is both drunk and a kid), and Ted thanks him for sticking up for him and tells him his plans for it. Future Ted tells his kids that time can turn what seem to be stupid decisions into something else and that he did achieve his dreams for the house... for it is the same house in which Ted is telling his kids the story of how he met their mother.
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