- Sheldon feels betrayed when Leonard returns from the North Sea and wants to spend his time with Penny instead of him. Howard's latest foray into helping his mother has some disastrous side effects.
- Leonard has come home a few days early, surprising Penny. The one person who isn't surprised is Sheldon, as Leonard hasn't told him and doesn't want him to know so that he and Penny can have a few days alone together. However, when Sheldon sees what he considers unusual activity in Penny's apartment, he thinks that Penny is having an affair. Meanwhile, Howard has been putting on a few pounds of late, and is being really cranky about it. Bernadette, the scientist, figures out why. There is nothing they can do about Howard's problem in the short term, and will have to endure a couple of weeks of bloating and moodiness. Howard, however, gets some unexpected support with what he considers his primary problem.—Huggo
- With Leonard returning in a couple of days, it was Penny's last chance to take Sheldon to the grocery store. Any criticism from Sheldon on her performance will come in her report card, which Penny doesn't plan on reading.
After entering her apartment she screams when she finds Leonard hiding behind the door. Since the project has been completed early, he came home a couple of days early and doesn't want his friends to know so that they can spend some time together. Sheldon yells at Penny through the door that not all his eggs are the right size so they have to go back.
At the comic book store Sheldon seeks help from Stuart (Kevin Sussman) to buy Leonard a nautical related gift. Stuart offers him an Aquaman statue. Sheldon calls it a gag gift until Stuart mentions that he only wants to sell it to a real collector. Stuart mentions that the Aquaman statue is rare and then also recommends the Batman squirt gun.
Howard is complaining that they've put Doctor Octopus' brain in Spider-man's body. Raj is enjoying the story line since it mixes the superhero and "Freaky Friday" genres. Howard snaps at him. He has put on a couple of pounds and even had to buy pants from the men's department.
Sheldon makes a final offer of $1200 for the Aquaman statue. Stuart has suckered Sheldon in and also sells him the Squirt gun. At Penny's apartment, Leonard is showing her pictures of his trip including where he fell off the ship. Penny receives her pizza from the delivery guy. Sheldon comes up the stairs and sees Penny with pizza. He asks if she would like to join him for the Chinese food he just brought in. When they hear the toilet flush, Sheldon asks if she has company. Penny says that she has called the building manager about it. Sheldon also finds it odd that Penny has two glasses of wine on the coffee table and that all of her take-out containers are in the trash can and not still sitting out. Penny promises Sheldon that no one else is in her apartment and that after a long day she just wants to eat a quiet dinner by herself. Then Sheldon wants to know if she wants to split the price of a $200 Batman squirt gun.
Howard returns home tired. Bernadette has made some brownies and offers him one. He gets upset because he has been gaining weight and doesn't think that she is supporting him. He has been at his mother's house spreading ointment all over her back. He wonders if Bernadette could get some samples of the ointment from work because due to his mother's size they are running out very quickly. She remarks that it has high estrogen content and she hopes he's been using gloves. "How can I get gloves over these swollen sausages," he snaps. She explains that he had been absorbing it too and that is why he is bloated, moody, and a giant pain in the ass. Bernie wants to have sex to make him feel better. Then Howard asks her if sex is her solution to every problem.
In apartment 4A, Amy and Sheldon are having tea while Amy explains her new made up language. Sheldon says that he is distracted by his visit to Penny's. She clearly lied to him about having someone else in her apartment and might be cheating on Leonard. Amy doesn't think that Penny would do that. When Sheldon mentions the take-out containers in the trash can, Amy is convinced.
Sheldon has his ear to Penny's door, hearing whispering and giggling followed by kissing. He pulls out his spare apartment key. He bursts in saying "Ah-ha" and finds Leonard and Penny sitting on the couch. Leonard apologizes to Sheldon saying that he came home early just so he could have a couple of days alone with Penny. Sheldon tells Leonard that there is no need for him to pretend to like him anymore. Leonard again apologizes. Leonard goes to get the sailor hat that he brought back for Sheldon. As Sheldon tries it on, Leonard signals the girls to say something. Penny thinks he looks great, while Amy says, "Hello, sailor." Sheldon goes off to look at himself in the mirror. Sheldon then tells Amy that she is going to be Olive Oyl and to lay off the donuts.
Raj comes over to Howard's place at his request. Howard has made little sandwiches and has a brie in the oven. Howard wants Raj to tell him if his boobs look bigger. Raj is not sure and makes Howard jump up and down and wiggle side to side like a stripper. Finally they start to feel each other's chest to check their cup sizes. Bernadette witnesses this display.
Three days later in Apartment 4A, Leonard asks Sheldon if he wants a ride to work. Sheldon wonders if he can believe anything Leonard says. Leonard tells him that he is going to work and that Sheldon can come if he wants to. Sheldon agrees.
Going down the stairs, Sheldon wonders if anything Leonard ever told him is true. Sheldon questions if Leonard is really from New Jersey. Leonard gets fed up and takes back his offer to drive Sheldon to the university. Penny is leaving for her morning shift at the Cheesecake Factory and runs into Amy who is driving Sheldon to work. Penny finds out that Sheldon is also mad at her because she was the succubus that lead him astray. Penny doesn't know what a succubus is, however with suck in it she doesn't think that it's good. Sheldon feels Penny betrayed him. Sheldon even let her buy feminine hygiene products with his supermarket card. He tells her to think about all the coupons he's going to get that he doesn't need. \
In the Caltech cafeteria, Raj, Howard, and Leonard are having lunch. Leonard is talking about his work from his trip. Howard reminds Raj that his eyes are "up here," implying that he resents Raj staring at his chest. Leonard & Sheldon are fighting. Howard has an emotional, feminine outburst, telling them to stop fighting because they are really best friends. Both of them decide to stop fighting.
Everyone is back together having dinner while Sheldon gushes about all the places Leonard took him to including the bureau of weights and measures. Sheldon gives Penny a coupon he received for feminine products. Leonard notices that Raj can now talk in front of the girls while sober. Howard cries that he can't believe that they forgot to tell Leonard. Penny hands him the coupon for feminine products.
Title reference: Sheldon asking Leonard if he failed to tell him he was home early because he did not like Sheldon as a friend.
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