When we last visited Mystic Falls, Damon's bed buddy Rose was bit by wolf lady Jules, effectively sealing her fatal fate (at least according to that pesky ancient legend in which a werewolf bite is deadly to vamps). Though Damon tried to convince Rose she'd be fine—all the while pumping her full of healing bagged blood—the growing patch of mutilated flesh on Rose's back told us everything we needed to know about her prognosis.

Down the hall in Stefan's bedroom, Elena and her vampire love shared a hot smooch—until Stefan pulled away fretting about Klaus, the Originals and Elena's pact with Elijah (yep, typical Stefan). His solution? Leave Elena to babysit the increasingly sick Rose while he hunted down Isobel. Great plan.

Of course, an episode of "The Vampire Diaries" wouldn't be complete without one of Mystic Falls' grand affairs, hence the Booster Club Barbecue (season two and we're already scraping the bottom of the event barrel?). Tyler, looking pretty foxy (wolfy?) in his football jersey, ran into Caroline in what seemed like their first meeting since the night of the full moon. "You did it," she enthused, encouraging Tyler to celebrate his small victory. She also happened to spill the fact that one bite from Tyler would have meant bye bye Caroline. Tyler wanted to know how she knew about this legend, but before she could mumble much of answer besides from a book, Matt interrupted their little gabfest. Exit Tyler. Enter Matt's lips pressed firmly against Caroline's. "You can't!" Caroline squealed before running off.

Back at the Salvatore mansion, things went from bad to very bad. Rose succumbed hallucinations, mistaking Elena for Katherine, which led her to try and kill Elena. Elena bombarded herself behind a locked, heavy-item-of-furniture-blocked door for what seemed like hours until she emerged to find Damon—fresh off a confrontation with Jules in which she told Damon the only way to heal Rose was to stake her. Oh, wait, where did Rose go?

To a barbecue crawling with plenty of fresh young meat. Duh! While Rose snacked on a poor janitor's carotid, Matt confronted Caroline about why she high-tailed it after their kiss. She confessed her love, yet Matt was smart enough to realize Caroline was hiding something. Instead of resolving the issue, this revelation only seemed to complicate matters more. Things got doubly complicated when Tyler showed up at Caroline's door a few hours later wondering why she would risk it all to help him during his transformation. "I care, Tyler. I care," Caroline confessed. Cue kiss No. 2! "Everyone just needs to stop kissing me," Caroline declared, frustrated (best quip of the night, for sure!).

After some pretty heavy bloodletting on Rose's part, Damon tracked his sickly friend down and carried her back to his house to tend to her during her final moments. Cradling the wilted Rose in his arms, he took over her dreams, setting her in a beautiful, sun-drenched valley. While the two held each other enjoying the fresh air, Rose confessed she was no longer afraid to die. In a moment of complete compassion and pure agony, Damon drove a stake clean through Rose's heart. And then that tear happened. Pass the tissues, please.

Though it hardly seemed possible, things got even worse for Damon, who decided to console himself by downing alcohol while lying in the middle of the road—something that made our Ben & Jerry sob sessions seem super-tame in comparison. A pretty, unsuspecting human stopped to help Damon, and it was then the stoic vamp revealed his biggest secret of all: He desperately misses being a human. (Not to mention he can't be what "she" wants him to be. We're all in agreement that "she" is Elena, right?) It looked as though Damon was going to spare the human, but looks can be deceiving. Indulging his own bad boy hype, Damon sank his teeth into the scared girl's neck.

And what became of Stefan's search for Isobel? He didn't find Elena's mummy, but he didn't return empty handed either. Nope, he brought Uncle John back. John may not want to hang around Mystic Falls for too long though. When Jules confessed to Tyler that she was a werewolf and that there were more vampires in the town than he realized, she also warned that furry reinforcements were on their way. We smell a fight.

What did you think of last night's "Vampire Diaries"? Did Damon's breakdown break you down? Which suitor do you think Caroline should pick? Did you miss Bonnie and Jeremy? Tell us in the comments and on Twitter!