To whomever crafts the "previously on 'The Vampire Diaries'" clips,

I do not appreciate false advertising. Including Katherine in the aforementioned clip was a thoughtless, inconsiderate tactic. You should be ashamed of yourself. Oh, how you led me on.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way (you didn’t think I could actually go an entire recap without obsessing over Katherine and hoping against hope that she’d somehow return, did you?), we can move on to discussing last night’s episode. Although we’re not really discussing it, if you know what I mean. I’m merely writing about it, and maybe you’ll write some comments later. But it’s more of a one-sided discussion--a monologue shall we say--with me playing that teacher who says "we’re going to talk about this today," and in reality she just means that she’s going to talk about this today. Well, class, today’s topic is "The Hybrid." Here are some bullet points for your notes:

-The Three Amigos (Elena, Alaric and a reluctant Damon) go on a field trip to the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee. Don’t be fooled; the trek had nothing to do with an urge to go hiking. It had everything to do with (obvious drum roll here) Elena finding out that Stefan and Klaus were there. Tracking werewolf packs. The day of the full moon. Oh, this is going to be good.

-Carol Lockwood is pissing me off. What did they do at those council meetings? Didn’t John get to tell her that the vampires they need to worry about are not the Mystic Falls ones? And, seriously! HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT YOUR SON IS A WEREWOLF? DO YOU NOT REMEMBER HOW YOUR HUSBAND DIED? THAT HE WAS MISTAKEN FOR A VAMPIRE BECAUSE THE WEREWOLF BLOOD IN HIM REACTED TO THE GILBERT DEVICE? I can understand if you didn’t know that your son accidentally killed a girl to set off the curse, but are you forgetting when he ran away with the wolf pack for however much time? Did you think he was just taking some time out from his hard life as a high-schooler? Did you really not know about the Lockwood curse? What have you been doing all this time?

-Bill. Ah. This is what she has been doing--calling the mysterious Bill. Is he supposed to be the serious vampire slayer we read about in spoilers? He’s making a big secret about coming into town, and Carol seems to think that he’s equipped to deal with the vampire situation. You know, Caroline. A teenage girl that Carol’s known her whole life. She remembers when she was born, Bill! I’m thinking Carol’s a tad bit split personality, considering her almost evil capturing of Caroline and now her serious remorse. Expressed towards a man who seems intent on killing Caroline. And all vampires. Yikes.

-Haley Joel Osment. I’m just going to start officially referring to Jeremy as Haley Joel, because seeing dead people is all that’s going on with him. Not that that’s a bad thing. In fact, it’s kind of the most interesting thing on the show! Vicki tells Jeremy that she can come back, and he can help her. A dead person just told him that he can help bring her back to life! THIS IS SO CRAZY. But do you know what’s even crazier? The next second, Vicki disappears, a window gets smashed and Anna appears! With another message! Saying, "Jeremy! Don’t trust Vicki." WHAT IS GOING ON?! I’ve got to know! This plot line is almost as interesting as figuring out what Katherine’s whole deal was. And I stress the word "almost."

-Klaus and Stefan find the werewolf pack, and then proceed to turn them all into hybrids. This doesn’t exactly go well. Meaning, they all die. And Klaus is FREAKING OUT. Why can’t they turn? He did everything right. He killed a vampire. He killed a werewolf. He broke the curse. He killed the doppelganger… OH TO THE NO! Does he know? He’s going to know! I don’t know! I have to know! For now, Stefan’s the only comrade Klaus has left. Is Klaus showing the shreds of humanity we’ve heard producers talk about? Is he trying to recreate the family he lost or killed with this potential hybrid army? What is the point of creating these hybrid comrades? Power? Greed? Etc.? All viable options, but I’m just not buying it. Klaus already has all of this, so what’s the story?

-Tyler forces his mom to watch his transformation. Secret’s out! Whatcha gonna do Lady Lockwood? She promises to keep Caroline safe. We’ll see…

-Caroline is okay. Hooray! But she’s trapped. No way! And here’s the shocker: tte man who trapped her? This Bill character? Well, see for yourself. To quote my notes:

"Caroline sees Bill. Recognition! OMG is it her DAD? OHHHH S--- IT’S HER DAD!"

Yes, friends. Bill is Caroline’s dad. And he wants to kill her. Or as next week’s previews say, he wants to fix her. I am very, very nervous right now. Very, very nervous.

What else, what else? There were some good one-liners. They are worth repeating:

After Elena asks Damon why he didn’t tell her about Andie: "Happy birthday, Elena. Stefan killed Andie. Cake?"

And while Elena is trying to convince Ric to help her track Stefan, she uses the whole if you don’t help me I’m going to go alone. You did say I’m 18 and can be independent now. And Ric retorts: "I meant like frozen dinners and SATs."

And this concludes today’s discussion! To keep your brain thinking, utilize these follow up questions:

Were you surprised about Bill? What’s going to happen with Caroline and her vampire-hunting dad? Is Stefan going to come back? Is Bonnie going to come back? What do you think is really happening with Vicki and Anna? Will Klaus succeed in creating his hybrid race? And since this is supposed to be the year of the originals, when are we going to be seeing some Elijah-coming-back-to-life action? Leave your answers in the comments and on Twitter!

Class dismissed!