____In baseball, we call it a grand slam. In poker, it’s a royal flush. And among aficionados of horseshoes and autonomous aerial weaponry, it’s known as ringing the pin. But in the world of the automotive obsessed, an elusive and nearly unattainable goal—for example, a mint-condition, fake wood-sided 1984 Chrysler LeBaron Town & Country Turbo Mark Cross-edition convertible with a five-speed manual transmission—is known as a unicorn. That’s how we feel about the wait for an episode of Glee that features internal plot consistency, complex character development, and ongoing and conflict-rich narrative arcs. It’s a unicorn hunt. And majestically, watching this week’s episode was like catching a glimpse of the moonlit haunches of just such a mythological being.
__Kurt Alights in His Presidential Loafers: __Lacking the proper extracurriculars to round out his application to NYADA—interning as a line wrangler at the TKTS booth, working as a polishwalla in Stephen Sondheim’s Tony dungeon—Kurt decides to run for class president. As further proof of his admirably delusional nature, he agrees to allow Brittany to act as his Karl Rove. An ingenious essentialist, Brit wants Kurt to embrace his intrinsic Howard Dean Scream and play to the fact that everyone in high school is, like them, a dissonant collection of aberrant impulses masquerading as a unified whole (i.e., a fellow freak). But Kurt is sick of being known solely as Mr. Mary McJazzhands, and wants to run for the center, positioning himself as a sort of John Kerry figure. This is destined to work for him about as well as it did for John Kerry. But as Kurt comes to realize he needs to forge his own roles in the theater, he eventually discovers that maybe he needs to find his own political niche: that of a tiny tinsel-bedecked fairy spinning inside an opal Fabergé egg on the lighted makeup table in Lady Gaga’s dressing room. With a gavel.
__The Musical’s the Thing Wherein We’ll Catch the Conscience of the Queens: __In an effort to repent for his lack of focus last season, Will has decided to go all Béla Károlyi on the Nude Erections. This means playing to win, and includes strategies like (gasp!) practicing a song at least once before performing it in competition, and conscripting Kurt and Finn into the remedial dance class Harry Shum Jr. told us they needed years ago. But this newfound commitment to his job leaves Sr. Schue without time to cast and direct the school musical (another of his failures from last year save a few brief (ugh!) highlights. So he pawns this responsibility off on Emma, Bieste, and Artie, who promise to bring their best Llewellyn Sinclair to the job. The play? West Side Story: another cause for rejoicing because a) it’s about conflict and the repercussions of romantic entanglements, two dramatic principles sorely missing from Glee’s recent past, and b) the music doesn’t suck. Also, for a change, it appears as though the writers are not attempting to clown-car this entire plot thread into one episode, allowing things like the inevitable squabbles over roles to surface and gestate with a speed that is more Mogwai than Minutemen. To wit, this week Kurt and Blaine go Jêt-á-Jêt over the butch role of Tony, in a competition that has the directors echoing Newsweek writer Ramin Setoodeh’s priorities in male leads a little too much for our comfort. (We vote for Kurt in the role to avoid the possibility of any more Blaine/Rachel bisexuality nonsense in case she lands Maria.) Speaking of which, we look forward to the ineludible belt-off between Mercedes and Rachel over the female lead. (Consider us Team Mercedes.)
__Will Grows a Pair of Maracas and Begins Shaking Them: __It seems that the ineffectual Mr.-Rogers-meets-Oprah persona that Will developed last season has been vanquished, and we’re as surprised as anyone to be enjoying the frizzy-headed frisson he brings to his scenes this year. (Though we did think his tough-love speech to Quinn inappropriately tipped the scale from love to tough.) It helps that his track-suited antagonist continues her odious TeaBagger congressional campaign, an ongoing mission against which he can strategize instead of simply flail and react. We look forward to seeing whom he and Emma recruit to run against her as the Anti-Sue. We vote for April Rhodes.
__Brittany Challenges Kurt to a Unicorn Joust-off: __Just when we thought it impossible for us to love Brittany any more, her new role as a bi-corn progressive Rick Perry further demonstrates that a character can be guileless and ingenious without any of the grating Gumpian inanity. We have not only set up a Citizens-United-type 501(c)(4) to funnel unlimited funding to her fledgling campaign for senior-class president, but we are currently building a golden Brittany on the roof of Condé Nast headquarters. We will be worshiping every Tuesday at 8:00, and welcome all converts.
Finn, Like Almost Everyone, Looks Hotter in Coveralls: Finn has an afterschool job throwing wrenches at his step-dad Burt’s garage. This isn’t good enough for his striver girlfriend, Rachel, who wants him to waste his afternoons flubbing Romeo to her Jewliet, and otherwise celebrating her delusional fantasy of inevitable New York stardom. But the job, and Ohio, may be good enough for Finn. Tension in Loveland!
Song Rating (* to ***** Stars)
“Somewhere” (West Side Story) ** The maternal mirror crack’d.
“I’m the Greatest Star” (Funny Girl) *** One star for the Bart Connor contraption, two for the weird knife twirling; zero for this not-singing song.
“Something’s Coming” (West Side Story) *** Typically well done. And typical.
Gayest Moment
Burt’s jibing evaluation of his son’s persona: “You sing like Diana Ross, and you dress like you own a magic chocolate factory."
For VF.com's recaps of previous Gleeepisodes read here.
